Jamie's cousin Marsha gave me this verse:
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.
In this verse there is a foot note leading to 2nd Tim 1:9 which says: who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.
We are called to God's purpose, His plans, His own timing, His own path-- not our own. It's just so hard sometimes. But it's still good somehow-- as the Roman's verse says, and I've heard that before-- ALL THINGS work together for the good to those who love God... All things... but the rest of the passage is ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. Not mine. Not Jamie's. Not Marsha's... even as she tells me of things I can't begin to fathom. No one's purpose but God's.
This past Friday was the day my great grandmother was born. April 11th. She would have been 102. She's been gone four years. I miss her so much. I loved her with all I had. I love her still. There have been times in the past four years that have been hard. I wanted to share them with her. When I was little I pretended to have my wedding at her house, so she'd "be there". I never doubted she wouldn't be. But she went home to Heaven the August before the October that I was married. I never suspected she'd never hold my children. And yet somehow, as I know God's grace continues to cover me, I hang to the thought that maybe-- just maybe, she's up there rocking my angel baby.
My mom sent me an email on her birthday, telling me that she knew Thelmy would be proud of me. That I'm a good mom to my son. It stirred something up I've been holding on to dearly. I hadn't told but two people about how I felt and how I thought and I don't know why I'm writing this for the world to see. but here I am.
"Dear Lord Jesus, Please tonight hold my sleeping babe in the room next to me. And hold my angel babe in the Heavens above. Let me find your peace. I ask for the Grace you and only you can give. amen."
*I came back in to edit this post: Nic, Megan, Mom(s), Kris, Hilary and anyone else, I'm sorry if you needed a tissue. I know I need one now. Goodnight loves.*
Where the voices get to come out of my head and ramble elsewhere...
2 comments:
grr I had to create an account and it deleted my long comment. That's prob. a good thing hehe. I think I read your post too late. Did you change something and put that sweet little prayer in there? I still needed some Kleenex. I miss my grandma who passed away when I was in high school(who would've turned 100 this year) and your little paragraph about your great grandma made me think of my gma. I was the baby in the family, so I got to spend more one on one time with her than any other grandkids.
now this one is getting long, too. sorry hehe(:
Nah, Hill, it wasn't too long. And I just didn't post the second comment! haha. Thank you though. I didn't add that part, the only part I added was the *kleenex* part. :) hugs to you. Thanks for your response.
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