back from the beach

Hello blogging world. We are back from our week long vacation. I've been gone longer trips than just a week before but this one really took it out of me, I feel like I've been gone a month! I have LOTS of pictures to go through and will post some soon. But first I just wanted to post what I wrote while I was gone, even though we had no internet for me to do so there.

So here you go, here's my blogging from the beach, a few days later....

We’re at the beach and it’s so fun to watch my children learn and explore and splash and dig. Matthew seems content for hours with a shovel and a bucket. Mark is still requiring a lot of hands on, but he enjoys the water’s edge and digging for short times. He loves watching the birds as they scurry across the water line. At the beach, Matthew runs circles in the surf of the water and runs circles on the sand. He was timid at first but now is tolerant of the waves attacking him, while he laughs at the sport. Mark however is still timid and that’s fine. He is fine in your arms but doesn’t want to be put down. However, at the pool, Matthew is a little more afraid of sinking and Mark is the fearless one. “Jump? Jump!” he’ll say. And he expects you to set him upon the edge of the pool and be ready to catch him as he jumps falls in.

Monday night we had a neat time on the beach with a photographer. Not something we’d planned to do while we were here, but we’d acquired a very neat envelope of goodies, one such goodie was a free photo shoot with a free 8x10. I’m sure you can imagine how difficult it was for me Tuesday morning at the viewing session to ONLY pick one photo. I can’t wait to be able to view all the pictures on line and decide if we can order any. She took some neat pictures of my mom with the boys, a couple good ones of our four family, and some belly shots, both solo and with Jamie touching the belly. I’m excited for this one to come. I’m excited to meet a new baby and God willing, hold him or her. But I can’t help but wonder who else would have been. It’s hard to not dwell on such thoughts. This morning, I sat on a towel, and watched Jamie holding Mark at the water’s edge, Matthew running circles around them trying to not let the water “catch” him, and all the while wondering if that sweet heartbeat wouldn’t have stopped, who else would be here. Tomorrow would have been his due date. Tomorrow would have been a day of four becoming five. … I will pray that four will still become five, but instead of tomorrow, it will be this coming March. Grow little baby in my tummy, grow. Please grow and be healthy and strong and alive. Monday morning I go in to Kendra for another appt/check up. I’m praying for her to find a strong healthy heart beat straight away and relieve any further fears or doubts that have crept back into my mind. [Side note: had the appt today, Monday, and baby was wonderful. Strong heart beat! I feel very much at peace. Not only did I get to hear the heartbeat but be/c my midwife loves me so much, she let us peak again. I saw my sweet miracle moving around, stretching, arching... thriving. Thank you God.]

I’m thankful for the beach to distract me. It’s hard to be sad or quiet here. A. there is no where to go in a 500 sq. foot condo, but B. there is just so much to do. We’ve been bouncing between the pool and the beach between napping and meals. The past two mornings we went down to the beach very early and had our fill of sand (literally) before even noon came. It’s nice to be on the beach with the sun rising and the sand still cool on your feet, verses going out there after lunch when the sun is baking and the sand too hot to touch. The outdoor pool is fun, the indoor pool is nice! The boardwalk is pretty. There is lots to see, touch, eat… it’s hard to be dwelling on things that never came when we’re surrounded by such things that are. As I sit here writing this currently, Mark is playing with his farm animals, Jamie’s lounging on the couch and Matthew is chugging his trains as normal. Life is good. God is good. I love my boys, I love my family. I’m very thankful that my mom could come down for a couple days and join us for a portion of our vacation. I miss her already though. I rely on her greatly for emotional strength and support as well as physical help with the boys. We’re about to go for another round of pool time so I’ll wrap this up, but I wanted to just put my thoughts out there, even though I’m writing this in word currently and can’t blog it until we get home. I will repeat, life is good. God is good. I’m thankful that for both of those...