Beach update (5) both boys

Does it get any better than this?

I took 547 pictures over the course of 7 days ( is that really any surprise though?), I think this is my favorite. They just had such a good time.... It's just so hard to narrow them down! Here are some good ones of the boys together. We had some wonderful moments of brotherhood while playing. (This one here is of them chasing a bird)

Beach update (4) Mark

Mark was a character this week. He normally is. First, he didn't like the sand. No no no, not happening. No sand. THANK GOD for the $2.00 clearance water shoes I'd bought the day we left town for him. With his water shoes on, he could be placed on the sand. Without them, not happening. He would tolerate digging in the sand for short periods of time but he got "all done" very quickly. He loved the pool though and he loved jumping in the pool, by himself in the baby pool, over my legs, on his own; or from the edge of the big pool into open arms. He also really enjoyed the amounts of snack food we had on the trip. I think he'll be sad to see that we don't normally have an overwhelming variety of chips readily available where ever we are now that we're back home.

Beach update (3) Matthew

Besides the eye adventure, Matthew really did have a blast. He wanted nothing more than to dig in the sand ...for HOURS. He was timid at first about the ocean but eventually got in and loved it. I think he could have gone all week with just the sand and the pool though. He had the world's largest sandbox to play in. He dug a line down the length of the beach at one time. Here are some of our Matthew highlights for you!

Beach update (2) The Grammy version

My mom met us at the beach for the first leg of the trip. LOVED IT. I loved every minute of her being there. And so did her boys. Here's a few good ones of them together. There's of course much much more. But here's a start!

(no idea why this picture turned out blurry. boo)

Grammy and Markie

Grammy and Matthew

With both boys after church (that was an experience)

Grammy and Markie at the water's edge.
One of the BEST pictures from the trip I think.

With both boys ready to take our professional beach pictures.

waiting for the waves to come!

Beach picture update (1)

I'm going to update the pictures some at a time, there are just too many to decide in one post, so it may take a couple. ALERT! the pictures in this post are slightly gross in nature. Please forgive. But I wanted to document this. I'll post happier fun pictures next I promise! One morning of the trip, we woke up, the boys got ready to go on a boardwalk-walk with Grammy and two minutes after they left the condo room, I heard voices and the door opening again. Hmmmmm, what could be wrong? My mom says, "Matthew go let your mommy see your eye." I'm thinking okay, he knocked into a door knob or something, though he wasn't crying... very puzzling. He walks over and she says "now, I think it's okay right now, but as soon as you think the doctor's office is open, I want you to call them." Ohhhh-kay... so what's wrong? .... Oh. A blood red spot the size of a dime under the iris on my son's eyeball is all that's wrong. I'm thinking "WHAT IS THAT!?" But he wasn't in pain or anything so they went ahead with their walk. And when I thought the doctor's office was open I called. They of course wanted me to come in. Naturally. Well, we're 5-6 hours away at the beach. Sorry. Can't do that. So they wanted us to go to urgent care somewhere be/c you can't be sure without seeing it. Naturally. Boo. So after a phone call to a nurse in the family, we decided to find an eye doctor (I know there is this really long opto-word that I can't say let alone spell to insert here). At urgent care, they'd probably have to send him to one after we wait four hours and pay 100 bucks. Soooooooooo. After google-ing and calling 4, 5? places we finally got someone who'd see kids and willing to take us. BUT THE WOMAN I TALKED TO WAS LIVING ON A DIFFERENT PLANET! I swear, she was so out of it. I'm not sure if she wasn't on something. In the mean time, my glasses became ready (oh yes... that's another story, but the ocean swallowed my glasses and we had to call for my prescription to be sent somewhere to have new ones made)... SO. I said you know what? Let's see if a doctor or a technician or someone else there can look at it and at least just tell us if we NEED to do something or not... So we did. And at first they were unwilling. "oh, no, mam, we'd have to have him see the doctor, we're not doctors" Okay. I know. but I'd just like someone to look at his eye, at something I've never seen before and TELL ME if he should be seen by a doctor or if it is fine. One of them finally did agree. And she said it was probably just a burst blood vessel. Which was one of the two choices the nurse family member had said. The other choice is an infection, but there would be more symptoms. Soooo, without any pain or the other symptoms, we decided to cancel said crazy lady office appt and just move forward under instructions to watch it carefully and if blah blah blah changes to go be seen. If it's a blood vessel broken, however, it would heal on it's own, slowly spreading and turning colors. Okay. Check. The first picture is the morning of. The second picture is two mornings later. It had started to spread and still causing him no pain. Whew. And I'll add that it's fine now. Still a little slight yellow near the corner, but the redness is all gone. Thankfully.

back from the beach

Hello blogging world. We are back from our week long vacation. I've been gone longer trips than just a week before but this one really took it out of me, I feel like I've been gone a month! I have LOTS of pictures to go through and will post some soon. But first I just wanted to post what I wrote while I was gone, even though we had no internet for me to do so there.

So here you go, here's my blogging from the beach, a few days later....

We’re at the beach and it’s so fun to watch my children learn and explore and splash and dig. Matthew seems content for hours with a shovel and a bucket. Mark is still requiring a lot of hands on, but he enjoys the water’s edge and digging for short times. He loves watching the birds as they scurry across the water line. At the beach, Matthew runs circles in the surf of the water and runs circles on the sand. He was timid at first but now is tolerant of the waves attacking him, while he laughs at the sport. Mark however is still timid and that’s fine. He is fine in your arms but doesn’t want to be put down. However, at the pool, Matthew is a little more afraid of sinking and Mark is the fearless one. “Jump? Jump!” he’ll say. And he expects you to set him upon the edge of the pool and be ready to catch him as he jumps falls in.

Monday night we had a neat time on the beach with a photographer. Not something we’d planned to do while we were here, but we’d acquired a very neat envelope of goodies, one such goodie was a free photo shoot with a free 8x10. I’m sure you can imagine how difficult it was for me Tuesday morning at the viewing session to ONLY pick one photo. I can’t wait to be able to view all the pictures on line and decide if we can order any. She took some neat pictures of my mom with the boys, a couple good ones of our four family, and some belly shots, both solo and with Jamie touching the belly. I’m excited for this one to come. I’m excited to meet a new baby and God willing, hold him or her. But I can’t help but wonder who else would have been. It’s hard to not dwell on such thoughts. This morning, I sat on a towel, and watched Jamie holding Mark at the water’s edge, Matthew running circles around them trying to not let the water “catch” him, and all the while wondering if that sweet heartbeat wouldn’t have stopped, who else would be here. Tomorrow would have been his due date. Tomorrow would have been a day of four becoming five. … I will pray that four will still become five, but instead of tomorrow, it will be this coming March. Grow little baby in my tummy, grow. Please grow and be healthy and strong and alive. Monday morning I go in to Kendra for another appt/check up. I’m praying for her to find a strong healthy heart beat straight away and relieve any further fears or doubts that have crept back into my mind. [Side note: had the appt today, Monday, and baby was wonderful. Strong heart beat! I feel very much at peace. Not only did I get to hear the heartbeat but be/c my midwife loves me so much, she let us peak again. I saw my sweet miracle moving around, stretching, arching... thriving. Thank you God.]

I’m thankful for the beach to distract me. It’s hard to be sad or quiet here. A. there is no where to go in a 500 sq. foot condo, but B. there is just so much to do. We’ve been bouncing between the pool and the beach between napping and meals. The past two mornings we went down to the beach very early and had our fill of sand (literally) before even noon came. It’s nice to be on the beach with the sun rising and the sand still cool on your feet, verses going out there after lunch when the sun is baking and the sand too hot to touch. The outdoor pool is fun, the indoor pool is nice! The boardwalk is pretty. There is lots to see, touch, eat… it’s hard to be dwelling on things that never came when we’re surrounded by such things that are. As I sit here writing this currently, Mark is playing with his farm animals, Jamie’s lounging on the couch and Matthew is chugging his trains as normal. Life is good. God is good. I love my boys, I love my family. I’m very thankful that my mom could come down for a couple days and join us for a portion of our vacation. I miss her already though. I rely on her greatly for emotional strength and support as well as physical help with the boys. We’re about to go for another round of pool time so I’ll wrap this up, but I wanted to just put my thoughts out there, even though I’m writing this in word currently and can’t blog it until we get home. I will repeat, life is good. God is good. I’m thankful that for both of those...

10 on Thursday

Well I missed Tuesday completely for a couple weeks in a row, but I thought I'd add one this week anyhow.

1. we're going to the beach! we're going to the beach! the hurricanes better stay away, we're going to the beach!

2. I started a water aerobics class (FINALLY after months of debacle about it) and had a great time Tuesday night. Tonight will be class number 2 of 20 and then I'll miss next week be/c of our vacation (see number 1, we're going to the beach!). But I'm really looking forward to this class. I think it will be a big help in thwarting more weight gain and I think it will be nice to get to do something for me!

3. The children better sleep tonight, that's all I'm saying about that.

4. Matthew started therapy for his eating issues. Last week was his evaluation appt. Yesterday was his second appt. He did well. SHE is amazing. I will do whatever she says for the next however long we go. We are seeing small baby steps that some might think we're crazy for applauding (ie: touching food with his pointer finger) but I don't care what anyone else thinks right now besides Ms. Jennifer. I'm proud of Matthew for even the smallest of accomplishments. I'm so thankful that we're able to find him the help he needs.

5. Whoever invented Blue's Clues should be given a medal or a trophy or something. It's the only thing that will keep Mark's attention on the TV. It's a Godsend at times. I don't know what we're going to do without our recorded episodes next week (See number 1, we'll be at the beach!)

6. Matthew had some trouble "walking in line" today at school. Ms. Brenda told me about the experience while she and I chatted before time to pick him up. I asked him about it and his mouth hit the floor, "how'd you know that?!" he said. Ah-ha! I finally know the feeling my dad must have felt all those times I climbed into his car at school and he said something that he shouldn't have known yet but did and he said "I have spies everywhere." It's a pretty cool feeling, Dad. *wink*

7. Tomorrow will be 14 weeks. I'm so blessed. "Dear God please keep this baby safe and healthy and growing. Thank you Lord for getting us through the first hump. "

8. Omega Trail is underway~ I love this so much. It's awesome for me to focus my energy into something so worthwhile while the rest of the world is obssessed with halloween. If you don't know what the Omega Trail is, go to my church's website here and see what it's all about. It's basically a walk through of the end times, like a tribulation trail. But there is more detail for you than that there. Last year Matthew and I were in Heaven and Jamie was behind the scenes! I can't wait to see what's in store this year.

9. I'm very excited to get to see and hug my mom in a very short while. (see number 1, she's going to be joining us... at the beach!)

10. I wish I could do something, anything to take the stress load away from those I love. My husband, my mom, my best friend... It just isn't fair that they are shouldering so much all the time. I wish I could take some. I wish I could help more, do more, be more... it's hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes. ... Next week when we're at the beach (no. 1!) we'll pass by the due date of our angel baby that went home to Heaven this past spring. It is wonderful to know that there is another baby growing and thriving and this baby is a blessing to my heart, but I still mourn what we lost. I know that without our first loss, we wouldn't have Mark and without this loss we wouldn't be currently carrying this miracle baby-- but it doesn't take all the pain away. I'm glad to have the distraction... I remember last year?? the year before?? I forget, one year, we were at Nana's house over the weekend that was the anniversary of the first loss. It was good to be there, distracted. I'm glad God knows when to plan things. I remember being annoyed that we couldn't plan our vacation any sooner into the summer and had to wait until September to go. I know now though that God knew I'd need to escape reality in this next week, and be with my mom all at the same time... God is good. So yah... number 10: Things are hard, but God is good.

Baby update

Hello Second trimester!

I can not believe that tomorrow marks the beginning of the 13^th week of this pregnancy. Thus meaning that we’ve survived the first 12 weeks, the first trimester, intact. Thank you God. I know that anything can still happen. I know that we aren’t promised tomorrow, but it sure feels a little better having crossed this first giant hump. I feel like I look 6 months pregnant instead of the 3 months I am. I guess after your uterus does this five times, stretching out there becomes easier. I still am queasy and besides this morning, I normally am not being actually sick, just suffering the nausea. Dum-dum suckers have become my friend. With Matthew I remember sweettarts took the edge off, but this time around it’s just suckers that seems to work. I can’t remember if I used anything like that with Mark’s pregnancy. Funny huh? It’s interesting what decides to stay in our brains and what doesn’t. I’ve already started my speculations as to what this baby’s gender is, but I honestly couldn’t care less. Boy or girl, I will be so blessed. Alive, healthy baby is all I care about. I think after you lose a baby (or two) to Jesus, then the trivial things don’t seem to matter. I keep being told that we NEEEED a girl. No. What I need is a healthy baby. One who will breathe on this earth and let me hold him/her. That’s all I need. I have visions of both. There are days I think for sure that I just want another boy. I’d like to have the three musketeers roaming around, being best of friends—helping each other to get into and out of trouble. If this is our last child, then that way all the siblings would be same sex siblings. That bond is so important. Then there are days I dream of that mother-daughter bond. Braiding hair, painting nails, playing dress up, wearing strings of beads, playing Barbies…. What if I miss all this? If this is our last child then we’d have the two big brothers able to protect the little princess. … Can you see how both pictures are perfect? Girl or boy. Alien or monkey. I don’t care who’s in there. I really don’t. I just only want a healthy baby on the other side of the next 6 months. I want to be able to say “Hello Third Trimester” and then the most important of all, “Hello Baby.”

I haven’t posted this on here yet… but I wanted to document Matthew's naming the baby saga:

Part one: Jeffon (Aug 2nd)

We were sitting on my bed and I forget how the baby came up. But Matthew said, "I'm going to name the baby"

Jamie said, "what baby?"
Matthew said, "you know. The new baby in my mommy's tummy. I'm going to name him."
I said "really? what do you want to name him?"
He said, "Just Jeffon."
I said "Jeffon?" I'm thinking Jeffery???
He goes "yup, Jeffon."
Jamie asked, "where'd you hear that name?" Matthew replied, "you know, all by myself."

Jamie and I laughed so hard. It was so cute. He was dead serious. But I really couldn't stop laughing.

Jamie finally said something I can't remember what...

Then I said, "I already have names I like for the baby."
Matthew said "what are the names?"
I told him, "well, if it's a boy, I like Micah."
I received a blank stare. No comment or reaction.
I looked at Jamie who shrugged. I turned back to Matthew and said "if it's a girl, I like Suzie."
He threw his head back and just laughed! "I like Suzie, yah that one!"
I asked him "What about Micah, do you like that name?" He said "nah, Suzie's the right one."

Sure hope Micah doesn't come out and disappoint him! hahaha!

Part two: StopSign (Aug 16)

If we can't name it Jeffon, which he's still sold on. He'd like the baby to be named StopSign. NOT KIDDING. that way (and I quote) "it could have super powers and stop things all the time any time it wants to." We had to have a long conversation about tv super power people verses the baby that mommy is going to have being a real person and not a tv person and will in fact not have any super powers that could FREEZE THINGS (Think Piper in Charmed! LOL)


Part three: Gummy Bear (Aug 19th)

After the ultrasound on this date, I showed Matthew the picture from the u/s. I told him that "this is the baby" and pointed to the head, rump, arm and leg buds available for viewing. I said, "Isn't it cute? It looks like a little Gummy Bear in there" And Matthew answered, "YAH! Gummy Bear! That's a GREAT NAME!" Of course two minutes later he asked what a gummy bear was, be/c he'd never had one before. The next time we were at the store, I showed him a bag of them. He was tickled. So far this name, Gummy Bear has stuck. I've taken to calling the baby Baby Bear.

We'll see if I have to add a Part Four later on...

:)

Bring it on/be thankful

The past two days have been HARD. VERY HARD. Lots of little things piling up. Here's just a brief recap: Matthew had an appointment that will hopefully change the rest of our lives. We will see where that takes us. The car decided to be a jerk and had to be fixed. Apparently, somehow, somewhere, someone decided we shouldn't live in the county where we actually live.... and when Jamie went to pay our car taxes, he couldn't be/c they told him we lived in a different county than we do. A county we'd never lived in. And if we'd have been pulled over for anything, we'd have gone directly to jail, do not pass go, thanks for that. So Jamie had to deal with the tax commissioner's office and prove to them who we are and where we actually live. (Are you serious?) I had an appointment and need to be seen by a specialist and might need another ear surgery, might not... it's just been one piled on thing on top of another piled on thing. I am praising God that we are getting answers about my ear issues and Matthew's issues... and I am PRAISING GOD that nothing is wrong with our tiny miracle baby.

In the midst of my woes... here is my pastor's thoughts on his blog this week. I thought I'd copy and paste it over.

It’s Always Right to Be Thankful

September 7, 2010 at 2:16 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

As I was reading the Scriptures a couple of weeks ago, I was convicted to just pause and thank God for what most of us would view as little things. I know that at Thanksgiving, we pause and devote a day to thanking God for our blessings. While I think that it’s good and healthy for us to do that, I think the danger we face is in possibly segmenting our gratitude and limiting it to a certain season.

So I started offering prayers of thanksgiving to God as people, things, and blessings came to my mind, and I found myself with a stream that seemed to increase in its scope and intensity. I must confess that I don’t always do this in my prayer time, but that day it seemed so natural and was such a sweet time to just thank God for everything that came to my mind. I didn’t exhaust my list at all, but there are other days, in God’s will, that I will have to remain thankful. Here are a few of the “small things” that God brought to my mind:

Sunrises and sunsets Memory Beauty

Ice cream sandwiches Music Faith

Laughter Family Strength

Now, if this seems hokey to you, just read I Thessalonians 5:18, then read Romans1:21 and 2Timothy 3:1-5 where thanklessness is a mark of the unconverted. Then go and spend some time in thanksgiving for what God brings to your mind.

I went ahead and looked up his verses mentioned for us all...

1 Thessalonians 5:18

¹⁸ in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Romans 1:21

²¹ because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened.

2 Timothy 3:1-5

¹ But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: ² For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, ³ unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, ⁴ traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵ having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

Thank you Pastor Joe for helping me to remember that instead of shouting "BRING IT ON!" "What else do you have up there in store for us?!" what I should be saying is "Thank you God." "Thank you for being you. For loving us. For keeping us safe. For our home. For our love. For your love. For Matthew's Christian education. For all the things that do keep us going on a day to day basis. Thank you for the morning you give us new each day. Amen."

coupon score today

Publix has some nice BOGO deals going on and with the $5.00 off Kraft items coupon, their dairy sales are major scores right now!

10(yes TEN!) four packs of yogurt cups (normally $2.50 each on sale BOGO) (coupon makes it 0.25 each)
one mustard (BOGO) (with coupon makes free)
one bbq sauce (BOGO) (with coupon makes .60 cents)
4 american cheese packs (on sale 2 for $4) (coupon takes $5 off Kraft)
2 sour cream (on sale $1)
one pack of animal crackers (coupon for it free)

18 items

TOTAL COST: under $8.00 !!! FOR REAL! I should have lined it all up on the table and taken a picture be/c seriously all that for less than 8 dollars is unreal!

Yogurt update: so the last time I did a major yogurt score was on 7/9. It's now 9/4. We didn't make it all the way until this sale came back without running out of yogurt, but not too bad. I think we bought one, maybe two tubs to cover the last couple weeks in between. I'm hoping for a few more from this sale. I have 3 coupons left, but they were out of vanilla which is what Matthew will eat, so I'm going to go back for some more.

When I went to the couponing workshop a month or so again, the author of the Southern savers site said that most deals cycle every 6-8 weeks. Nice to see this is the case here. I'm hoping if I can gain a few more coupons and get some more, we can really make it between now and the next deal without ever having to buy yogurt again at regular price. or even half price.

I love coupons!

Hi baby of mine

Yesterday I had another appt with my midwife, K. I love her. Oh how I love her. Love love love her. She's so wonderful and warm and understands my fears and concerns. She lost her own tiny miracle last year. She knows the pain I have felt in the past. We grieved together. She is more than ready to say "Call my cell, girl! You have a personal midwife, that's what I'm for!" any time I'm anxious, concerned, worried, whatever! She's so wonderful. It's no reason I followed her from my old practice to where she is currently. I don't mind the drive. The time I spend in the car on the way to the appointments, I listen to Phil Cross. I play his songs over and over. I go into my appointments with peace of mind, understanding that anything could happen. That I'm not garenteed anything. That God is a great and mighty and loving God and that ultimately He. does. not. owe. me. one. thing. Oh how I play that song. I'm glad for the time alone and I can just saturate myself with that thought. You do not owe me one thing, Father. This song has done such a marvelous thing for my thought life... ANYHOW!!

Yesterday, after listening and preparing my heart for any outcome, I walked into my appointment feeling a little anxious. What met me though, on that ultrasound screen was nothing short of God's glory. K was overjoyed and just as excited as I was while I saw our sweet miracle baby turn in a full circle, wiggling around. S/he raised a closed fist high above the head in a stretch and stuck both feet out, showing me all the toes. I felt such a peace as I sat there watching my child dance inside me on that screen. A screen where I have seen and felt emptiness and heartache, yesterday showed me hope and joy and peace and glory and God in a way I needed. I know that there still isn't a promise that I'll hold this child on this earth. And I have to live knowing that. But I feel as though I got a huge gift yesterday. This window, this glimpse in the womb, to see this miracle. It was as if God said, "here child. I'm here. This baby is fine. Stop you're fretting now."

So. I made my phone calls to the appropriate people and began again singing to God how He doesn't owe me one thing, but how grateful I am for each moment with my children (all of them) he has given me and continues to give me.

Next appt is in 3.5 weeks (the longest between them so far) after we get back from a week to the beach!