A year ago...

*big sigh*

It's been a year...

It's hard to think it's actually been a year since we lost a tiny babe. This weekend trip was good for me. I think really that without it, I would have moped around the house all weekend feeling sorry for myself. But at Nana's house you can't do that. I love being around Jamie's grandmother. She's a precious woman. It was good to spend the time with family... I was able to talk to a couple of the cousins about our loss and that was good too. Neither knew we'd had a miscarriage. The conversation was about birthdays... and "what do you do if you're birthday is on leap day?" and my heart felt tight and I felt tears creeping in my eyes... So I said, "well for me, it's pretty sad, because I lost a baby on leap date, and I don't even get an anniversary of that loss this year." ... Great. good job Kate, what a way to dampen the conversation, huh? Oh well. It's the truth. A year ago today, I was laying on the couch on bedrest, praying that our baby would stay, waiting the news of the blood draws... but the baby didn't stay. And my heart was truly broken for the first time ever. You think when you're young and dating that So-and-so breaks your heart and oh boo hoo... There is no pain of that like losing a child. Even one you've never met outside the womb. March greets me with painful memories of a sad time, and yet also brings promise that life will go on. I look at my Markie and know that life continues, that God is good, that the morning will come...

Ps. 30:5b "...Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY comes in the morning."