special moments

Tonight while reading to Matthew, Mark climbed up in my lap too. I sat their reading with one boy on each knee. They both sat there really good and quiet and attentive. It is rare moments like this that I will try to savor and help me through the hard times. Moments where I hope I can remember later what the feel of their skin was... the smell of their clean still damp from baths hair... the way Mark smiles and wrinkles his nose just like mine does... the way Matthew hugs me so tight and says "I love ya, Mom"... when did he get to be such a big boy?

Tomorrow we celebrate Matthew's fourth birthday (even though it's not until Wed) with a Percy Party at the train tracks. I can't wait. He's so excited. I've made another huge cake (a Percy cake), complete with rice crispies treats tracks. ((Not even close to coming as cool as the snowman, but it's neat!)) I will do my best to have a good time. Though inside I am really hurting. We had a hard day and some very tragic news today.

All I will say for now is that life is too short. And God does not owe me one thing. He doesn't owe you one thing either....

I'll leave you tonight with a Point of Grace song that's been in my head all day.


Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want but want what you have
Hmmmmm
And don't spend your life lookin back

[Chorus:]
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
And let it all out
Cause you won't regret it
Lookin back from where you have been
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you lived

[Verse 2:]
So go to the ball game
And go to the ballet
Go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth cause you can't get away
Oh No...
Just face it and you'll be okay

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Ohhhhh
Wherever you are and wherever you been
Now is the time to begin

[Verse 3:]
To give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
Cause all that you do is bound to come back to
You
So think of your fellow men
Make peace with God but make peace with yourself
Cause in the end there's nobody else

[Chorus]

Cause it's not who you knew and it's not what
You did
It's how you lived