music needed

Sometimes you just need a little Phil Cross ... This morning on the way to VBS I just felt like I needed to listen to Phil Cross. I have been really struggling emotionally this week. One night Jamie said I was being distant and I didn't realize I had been. Each day after VBS I've cried. Mark moved up to the walkers room from the baby room and I think I just was not prepared for how this would effect me emotionally. I knew he was moving up and I knew he was switching rooms and I was thinking I was okay with it... but I just have struggled. He's not in the baby room anymore. I don't have a baby anymore. I have a toddler. ..... Tuesday was especially hard and cried to Nic and to my mom. I've been emailing with another friend seeking advice and support. Today, I'm currently on the sofa of friend Nancy's and have cried to her today. I know that God does not owe me one thing, but man the closer it gets to September, the harder it is.... When we lost our first baby, I was pregnant again and though I was grieving, I had another happy time ahead of us. I had a date to look forward to past the angel bean's due date. Mark was thriving and growing inside me and was our Manna baby and I was able to heal my brokenness in the joy of his upcoming arrival. With this loss, it's just been so hard. It gets harder day by day sometimes instead of easier and easier...

God, I need you. Jesus hold me. Help me overcome this. I need your strength to be able to handle day by day the struggles that are keeping me down. Father, remind me that you do not owe me one thing. Remind me to stop complaining. To stop wallowing. To enjoy the sweet boys I do have. To love and cherish what I do have. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your son that you gave for me. Thank you for the gift of motherhood you've given me.... the gift of fatherhood you've given Jamie. Amen.