telling Matthew

This is a recount from when we told Matthew what was going on...

Me: Matthew, come here a minute, I want to talk to you.
Him: (climbing up on our bed) What mommy?
Me: I am very sad
Him: Why are you sad? That's silly.
Me: Do you remember that there was a baby in my belly?
He nodded
Me: Well, that baby has stopped growing. So I'm so sad now.
Him: Where is the baby now?
Me: In Heaven. God took our baby to Heaven when he stopped growing.
Him: I don't want to stop growing.
Me: You don't have to. You are going to grow up big and strong.
Him: I'm not ready to go to Heaven yet.
Me: (choking back tears) You don't have to honey.
Him: (now laying on me) I just want to stay with you.
Me: Okay. You can stay with me.

Later in the day, he stayed close by. He kept saying he wanted to grow big and stay with me. In his own way, he's processing what's going on and how it's affecting him. He's so big. I can't believe how smart he is and how amazing his brain is and how it works.

I spent most of yesterday in and out, either asleep or eating the whole day. Today seems like it will be another day on the couch. I'm hoping I can get up and feel normal later on maybe.