More thoughts

Yes... yes I'm still awake. I can't go to bed....

I spent over an hour on the phone with my best friend... wait... was it two hours??? Wow. Anyhow, I did some tidy house work while I was on the phone with her: Started some laundry, swept the kitchen and living room, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher... while we discussed my struggles. Cuz that's what you do after you post a giant message about your heart being heavy--- your best friend tells you in an email that you'd better call her.

We talked about some of the nothings and then some of the bigger ones, and then more than that we talked about the Spiritual. We talked about how if I was focusing on all these negatives then I was letting Satan think he's winning. And we know how the story ends, we know that he is not vicotirous. I will not let Satan reign in my life.

Here's words from her email to me... I thought maybe... someone else might be needing to know these words for themselves....

Are you perfect? No. You know why? You aren't Jesus and that title is His alone for those of us on this side of glory. But, are you precious to Him? Are you striving, every day, to do better in any area you can? Yes. I know you are. I know that your heart yearns to be better, for Him. And you ARE succeeding. Miring yourself in thoughts of "I'm not good enough" and "I can't fix that" and "I can't do this" -- that is from the devil. Pastor said today, and I wrote it down: "The devil is a defeated foe and HE KNOWS IT. He can not take up a weapon against you and succeed. BUT --- what he can do, and does daily, is get in your head and make you THINK he's winning." But you know what? I've read the end of the book, HE IS NOT WINNING. Your life is still yours, and GOD is winning. He wants you to trust in HIM and His ability to keep your family safe. To preserve your friendships and help them flourish in His hand. To see what goes on in your church and know that through you, He can bring about whatever needs to be brought about.

You are His vessel. You are precious, you are capable and you are exactly what He wants. But if you are allowing yourself to get distracted from that, then your faith is weakened. And the Bible says the only thing... THE ONLY THING... that is impossible, is for God to work where there is no faith. Faith is how He gets things done. So renew your focus on HIM. Get back in the bible. Talk to Him, every day. Rebuke the devil when he's in your head, filling you with fears and telling you that you aren't good enough. Talk to him, tell him he's not winning and you aren't buying his line of bull anymore. Get your faith strengthened again and then just let God handle it. Whatever "it" is. Because He will.

~~

And so, sitting here with her on my phone telling me these truths, with her words on the screen repeating these truths, I found myself thinking of my own entry just this past week. I said this:
I can say that I'm so moved lately. I know God is working. I know HE is alive and HE is powerful.

What happened in the time I posted those words and in the next days to follow that made me start doubting that? Why is it when you start to feel in control that you're going the right direction, you get all turned around? What is it that made me feel insecure about what grounds me? What is it that made me start doubting...and start accepting the doubts as truth?...... SATAN. AND. HE. WONT. HAVE. ME.

I need to put my FAITH back on my SAVIOUR and let the devil take the back seat!

and with that. I'll be off to bed.