Sleepless in Seattle

I feel like Tom Hanks in that movie-- only without the losing my wife part thankfully... on so many levels. Ha. But seriously, I am so sleep deprived. When Jamie is gone on a normal trip with normal functioning routine stuff going on at home, I barely sleep. It takes along time to settle down. It takes sometimes HOURS for my brain to turn off. I can go to bed at 10 and still be staring at the clock well past midnight begging to turn off the stress, wondering, anxiousness, fear, what-if-ings so that I can MAYBE sleep before someone wakes up needing something with the normal requests from Matthew: Is it morning yet?; from Mark: I'm thirsty or I can't find my bok (bah-ck = blanket); or from Micah crying to eat. I usually sleep with the bathroom light on in the hallway and the bedside touch lamp on low--things we don't normally leave on when my other half is nestled under the covers with me. He is the eyes and ears of the night. He sleeps very lightly while I sleep oh so soundly. He can tell me who was tossing around in the night and I didn't know anyone budged. When he is home, I sleep well. When he is gone... I hear every creaking noise this house makes... I hear every cough the kids make... I hear the door knob turn as Matthew opens it in the morning to leave the room (my door is of course open already)... I hear birds in the morning... I wake up and see intervals of half hours on my clock, listening in case someone may need something and I might not have heard it ... Since getting my hearing aid over a year ago... I have become so nervous at night when I take it out for the evening. If Jamie is home. I'm fine. I know he'll hear what I may (will) not. When Jamie is gone... and all systems are running smoothly, I'm nervous anyhow for the what-ifs. .........

The point... Jamie's been gone since Sunday. Take that "normal routine" and JAM IT DOWN THE TOILET. In the past four days... we've been to the ER, well care clinic, and the pediatrician. I feel like I'm DROWNING in all the possible WHAT IFS come to life! (Well... I shouldn't say that. Not all of them for sure. But all the sickly ones anyhow). My poor Matthew has had a fever on and off since Sunday (it was up again today after being gone yesterday), pink eye --diagnosed Monday pm and now Bronchitis --diagnosed today. We'd had a horrible night and so I took him back in. Seriously, I want to BANG my head on this desk. I will say PRAISE THE HOLY LORD ON HIGH that Mark and Micah aren't showing symptoms of either of these. I will say that! Mark is fine fine fine! He doesn't understand why Matthew's home and on the couch and not playing with him, but he's fine. Micah, besides his oh so not happy butt rash, is also fine and I'm praying he stays that way.

Last night went a little like this:
Eye drops given to Matthew and both big people in beds at 7:30
Micah in bed around 8:15-8:30
Mark still playing his music until 9:30
Matthew coughing on and off.
I went to bed at 10:15ish
Matthew woke up at 11 coughing badly.
Mark woke up at 11:15 being thirsty.
Matthew woke up at 12am being thirsty.
Matthew woke up at 2am to potty and crying about being hungry and thirsty. (He took two bites of a cereal bar and gave it back to me... AH!)
Matthew woke up at 4am being thirsty.
Mark woke up at 6 be/c he couldn't find his bok (it had been pushed to the edge of the bed)
I turned on his music and told him it was too early still.
Matthew woke up at 6:30 to potty again.
We did his eye drops at 6:40 and his crying about that woke up Micah.
Micah came to my bed at 6:50 to eat and yup, you guessed it...
His crying woke up Mark, who came in my bed "to love me" at 7am.
I'm not actually sure if I slept... at all last night... ....
Needless to say my nap from 2:27-4:50pm was WELL NEEDED this afternoon! I was so thankful that my mother-in-law was here to let me sleep. Mark and Matthew were both napping at the time, so she had just Micah to wrangle.

I have been so blessed to have Jamie's mom here. So blessed. Truthfully, we are so blessed to have both Jamie's parents close by of course... I'm just able to really be touched by my mother-in-law's ability to come over during the day and be a strong pillar for me right now while Jamie's gone and Matthew so sick. Going to the doctor today was made perfectly clear by the events of last night. And I'm so glad that we went. The doctor heard him cough and before she really had even listened to him, she said "ohhhh that sounds like Bronchitis." Then after listening to his back and hearing him cough some more, she said "yup, that's Bronchitis, mom." So in addition to our every four hours eye drop routine, motrin every six, we've added a heavy duty med to squash the Bronchitis to his menu. I truly do not know what I'd be doing this week besides swimming in a lake of my own tears without Jamie's mom ever ready to come over. Thank you so much, Sandy. So much.