Goodnight my first angel

In 54 minutes it will be tomorrow. In 54 minutes it will be the first time in four years that it will actually be tomorrow. Tomorrow is "Leap Day." Tomorrow, four years ago, I began to know heartache. Something that can never go away. Something that will never be the same. Tomorrow will be the first time in four years to see the anniversary date appear... on February 29th 2008 a tiny life inside me found Heaven.

I find myself thinking of the song from the musical Rent... Seasons of Love...

Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes....

How do you measure, measure a year?

in daylights?
in sunsets?
in midnights?
in cups of coffee?
in inches?
in miles?
in laughter?
in strife?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How do you measure... measure four years?
Some day in Heaven, I'll get to see her.
Some day in Heaven, I'll hold her near.
But for now I'll be here waiting, until I can join in Heaven and wipe my tears.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know that Heaven is a better place with my babies up there singing. So instead of thinking about what isn't... I think about where I'd be without my Markie bug. Mark was a blessing that came after this first storm. I so love him. He's so wonderful. He's a joy, he's a love, he's a blessing. He's so animated! He's such a little snot too. He's exactly too cute for words and he's such a snuggle bug. I don't know what I'd do without Mark. I long for the children I'll never hold... but I wouldn't give up the gifts that came next each time. My first storm cloud brought Mark to me. My second storm cloud brought Micah. Where would I be without these little men in my life? ... how dreadfully boring life would be! HA! It feels like a zoo we live in some times. It's never dull or boring that's for sure. These boys are worth getting up for. They are worth living each day better than the one before it for.

Matthew, Mark, and Micah, oh how I love you three so much. You help keep my heart beating each day. I love being your mommy and I'd have it no other way.

My darling Heaven sent babies, oh how I love both of you ever so much too.

Goodnight, my first angel.

The first time in four years, I've been able to say...

Goodnight.