the big controversy

There is so much controversy when it comes to breastfeeding. Yup. Stop reading now if you are annoyed with this topic. There is no sense in even continuing. I'm not exactly sure where this post is heading, I just know I've been toying with the idea of writing one on this topic for over a week. ... Saturday, I nursed Micah for what I'm guessing will be the last time. And more firmly, Saturday I probably nursed a baby for the last time. Yesterday our schedule was so full, so rush rush rush, that when we needed to get in the car in the morning, I made him a bottle instead because he was still snoozing. The day progressed and all of a sudden it was 9pm and we were home and he was snoozing again. The day evaporated before I'd realized that I hadn't nursed him once.  And he wasn't having any part of it, going from the car straight to bed... Jamie said he was planning on rocking him while I tucked in Mark and Micah dove for the bed. So Jamie didn't argue, he just laid Micah in the bed and said "Night night."  The past week or more, we'd been mostly only nursing first thing in the morning, right after waking from nap and then just before bedtime. You know, the snugly times. You know, the most special sweet coo'ing times. You know, the times that you can't ever get back later... I look at Matthew now. The best I can get from a snuggle from him is a gangly hug. My stars he's getting so tall. (We were at the doc today for a check up and he's in the 90% for height. Not at all surprised). It seems like yesterday Matthew was a tiny baby and now POOF he's a 90%-for-height-scrawny-all-legs-and-bones-first-tooth-lost-6-year-old. It just happens so dang fast.

I only nursed Matthew 13 months and he basically cut himself off. One day we were nursing, the next day he was reaching for a sippy and pushed me away when I offered him. Mark on the other hand at 14 months... I cut off cold turkey. I was pregnant at the time with one our Heaven Babies and I just was so sick and it was painful to nurse him feeling so nauseous the whole time and I just cut him off. And he threw his sippy cup at me for a week. Oh, man alive, he hated it. Soooo, needless to say, I'd decided not to do that again. I was content to let Micah just nurse as long as he was wanting. He is 16+ months now and I had started to get comments "oh, you're still nursing?"  or really they sounded like this "oh, you're still nursing?" as of late and was answering them politely of course. I would have liked to have said "Yup, doesn't seem to bother him" each time but didn't. But really, what difference is it to anyone?  Jamie always said that when the kid can ask for it, he'd rather I be done... and um... the other day when Micah came up to me, pulled at my shirt and signed "more", we both looked at each other like, "hmmmmmm he's sort of asking for some, huh?" So, I knew it was time. I knew we were nearing on the end. It's just so big though, because... it is the end. It's the end of me having babies in the house... of me needing to wear a nursing bra.... of me bringing a nursing cover wherever we go.... of me having to pick shirts over dresses.... of a tiny precious baby needing something that only I have for him.

I have so many thoughts about this. And it's so interesting too because you always hear "Wait till you're a mother" about things growing up, you know? Well, I'd long ago formed opinions about breastfeeding and formula and pureeing your own baby food (go ahead and laugh mom) and crying it out and co-sleeping and pacifiers and all this stuff. Everyone does. At some point in a girl's life, she starts dreaming about being a mom. And in those dreams she starts planning what she will and wont do...There are just some things that you have NO CLUE about until after the fact.

I can honestly tell you that most if not all of my pre-child formed opinions are NOT the same as my post-child opinions. AND even so much that my first-time-mom opinions greatly differ from my mother-of-three opinions.  Some examples just for laughs:  I never wanted my child to have a pacifier. Never. What's the point?  And then I became the human pacifier for Matthew. So, now Micah has probably 6 pacifiers, he likes toting them all around and I color coordinate his bandanas on his paci towels for church each week with his outfit. And I don't care. And people who say "Oh why does he still have his Binky. He doesn't need a paci. Isn't he too old for a Binky?" make me nuts! You go be a human pacifier for two years and have a baby suckling on you every 45 minutes and see how you like it?? Your opinions change with motherhood. They just do. Time, circumstance, experience... first hand experience changes you. Matthew wouldn't take a bottle. Ever. I think he had a total of 5 bottles his whole life. He nursed and went right to a sippy cup at 13 months.  ... Yah buddy at 6 months, Mark was having a sippy cup. "HERE!" "TAKE IT!" I made people give him bottles even when I was there because I wasn't walking that road again.  My friend J has a saying she says often "I've already been on that field trip and I don't want to go back." So true. You learn. You evolve in your thinking and understanding.  Do I think Micah is going to go to college with a paci tied to bandana? No. Eventually we'll get him to put it in the bed only, you know, for nap and bed times. And then some day we'll take it away from him when he's ready... Until then, shut it people.

Another example: co-sleeping... I co-slept for the first couple months with each child but always was pretty adamant with getting them into their own beds (or playpens in our room) soon.  I didn't want to lay down with my kids at night in their beds, I didn't want them in my beds... soooo, the past few weeks, Matthew still CLEARLY needs a nap some days. He's tired, he's worn out, we've been GO GO GO this whole summer... the only way I can get him to sleep is if I lay with him for a few minutes. Okay. SIGN ME UP! Today even, I said "we're all taking a nap!" I don't give a care what I used to think or said... shoot! If it means that he rests for an hour and we all can have a nice evening without a cranky monster for a 6 year old, works for me! That means I get to lay down for 15 minutes and do nothing except think and breathe. Okay. Double Score.

I'm side trailing myself though...

Back to the nursing issue.... at the doctor's office today, there was this tv in the waiting room on the health accent channel, I'm sure you've all seen one or similar... Anyhow, I hear "While breastfeeding is still recommended for the first 6 months of life, if you can't....." and it got me thinking. Who cares?  Why is it a big issue? Why is it anyone's business? It is probably easily the most controversy of all baby issues... "how are you going to feed the baby?" My sister and I were both bottle fed and we've turned out alright. My boys are all breastfed. Did I decide that because I wasn't nursed as a baby? No. Do you remember being nursed as a baby? I sure don't remember having a bottle when I close my eyes and think way back. Does it matter that we didn't stop at 6 months or at a year or at 15 months? No. Who cares? Everyone has an opinion though... And... I'm learning that even my own opinions change change change with the passing season. In this season of my life... if Jamie wasn't prompting me to stop, I could easily see myself co-sleeping with Micah and still nursing him for a long time. In fact when I was away from Jamie for so long this summer, there were nights when Micah came to bed with me. Since we were in the same room, I'd hear him when he woke mid night and instead of just waiting for him to self-soothe, I really didn't want to be bothered, so I pull him in bed with me, he'd nurse himself back to sleep and we'd both be fine until morning. If someone would have told my "first time mommy opinion" self that, she'd have argued with you. But this "mother of three opinion" self just doesn't care. Bill Cosby is so dang smack on in his comedy bit about just wanting peace. As long as no one is crying... I don't care what is happening. I really don't. Sure, I don't want the kids climbing on the furniture or smacking each other or burying stuff in the yard. Sure I don't want crayons on the walls or bugs in the kitchen sink, but honestly, if nursing a baby in your bed means that you both sleep well... Well... who cares? In ten, fifteen, twenty years will it matter? ..... nope.

I'll leave you with this... There's all this big talk about it not being polite to nurse in public...and it was very hard for me to nurse Matthew in public. I'd go back to the car or I'd sit in the bathroom if we were out places... It got easier the more comfortable I felt in my abilities to be discrete and of course depending on where we were with each child... I could pretty much nurse Micah anywhere, gimme a nursing cover and blanket and who cares...that comes with trial and error of course, but anyhow.... I saw the funniest picture on Facebook the other day where there was a gentleman in a suit pulling an officer's arm over to the lady sitting on a bench discretely nursing a baby under a blanket, in front of a HUGE bra ad with boobs everywhere in a store window and I forget what exactly the guy was saying to the officer but something about it being offensive to see her womanhood or something. And you think REALLY?  We see more boobs in this generation than ever thanks to Victoria and all she offers... yet a woman with half her body under a blanket, feeding her child makes people cranky.

All that rambling in my head out now... This is of course not the first time this issue has come up or been blogged about, and I'm sorry I'm all over the place, but I just wanted to have my 50 cents worth too.

So here I am... no longer a nursing mommy...