the big controversy

There is so much controversy when it comes to breastfeeding. Yup. Stop reading now if you are annoyed with this topic. There is no sense in even continuing. I'm not exactly sure where this post is heading, I just know I've been toying with the idea of writing one on this topic for over a week. ... Saturday, I nursed Micah for what I'm guessing will be the last time. And more firmly, Saturday I probably nursed a baby for the last time. Yesterday our schedule was so full, so rush rush rush, that when we needed to get in the car in the morning, I made him a bottle instead because he was still snoozing. The day progressed and all of a sudden it was 9pm and we were home and he was snoozing again. The day evaporated before I'd realized that I hadn't nursed him once.  And he wasn't having any part of it, going from the car straight to bed... Jamie said he was planning on rocking him while I tucked in Mark and Micah dove for the bed. So Jamie didn't argue, he just laid Micah in the bed and said "Night night."  The past week or more, we'd been mostly only nursing first thing in the morning, right after waking from nap and then just before bedtime. You know, the snugly times. You know, the most special sweet coo'ing times. You know, the times that you can't ever get back later... I look at Matthew now. The best I can get from a snuggle from him is a gangly hug. My stars he's getting so tall. (We were at the doc today for a check up and he's in the 90% for height. Not at all surprised). It seems like yesterday Matthew was a tiny baby and now POOF he's a 90%-for-height-scrawny-all-legs-and-bones-first-tooth-lost-6-year-old. It just happens so dang fast.

I only nursed Matthew 13 months and he basically cut himself off. One day we were nursing, the next day he was reaching for a sippy and pushed me away when I offered him. Mark on the other hand at 14 months... I cut off cold turkey. I was pregnant at the time with one our Heaven Babies and I just was so sick and it was painful to nurse him feeling so nauseous the whole time and I just cut him off. And he threw his sippy cup at me for a week. Oh, man alive, he hated it. Soooo, needless to say, I'd decided not to do that again. I was content to let Micah just nurse as long as he was wanting. He is 16+ months now and I had started to get comments "oh, you're still nursing?"  or really they sounded like this "oh, you're still nursing?" as of late and was answering them politely of course. I would have liked to have said "Yup, doesn't seem to bother him" each time but didn't. But really, what difference is it to anyone?  Jamie always said that when the kid can ask for it, he'd rather I be done... and um... the other day when Micah came up to me, pulled at my shirt and signed "more", we both looked at each other like, "hmmmmmm he's sort of asking for some, huh?" So, I knew it was time. I knew we were nearing on the end. It's just so big though, because... it is the end. It's the end of me having babies in the house... of me needing to wear a nursing bra.... of me bringing a nursing cover wherever we go.... of me having to pick shirts over dresses.... of a tiny precious baby needing something that only I have for him.

I have so many thoughts about this. And it's so interesting too because you always hear "Wait till you're a mother" about things growing up, you know? Well, I'd long ago formed opinions about breastfeeding and formula and pureeing your own baby food (go ahead and laugh mom) and crying it out and co-sleeping and pacifiers and all this stuff. Everyone does. At some point in a girl's life, she starts dreaming about being a mom. And in those dreams she starts planning what she will and wont do...There are just some things that you have NO CLUE about until after the fact.

I can honestly tell you that most if not all of my pre-child formed opinions are NOT the same as my post-child opinions. AND even so much that my first-time-mom opinions greatly differ from my mother-of-three opinions.  Some examples just for laughs:  I never wanted my child to have a pacifier. Never. What's the point?  And then I became the human pacifier for Matthew. So, now Micah has probably 6 pacifiers, he likes toting them all around and I color coordinate his bandanas on his paci towels for church each week with his outfit. And I don't care. And people who say "Oh why does he still have his Binky. He doesn't need a paci. Isn't he too old for a Binky?" make me nuts! You go be a human pacifier for two years and have a baby suckling on you every 45 minutes and see how you like it?? Your opinions change with motherhood. They just do. Time, circumstance, experience... first hand experience changes you. Matthew wouldn't take a bottle. Ever. I think he had a total of 5 bottles his whole life. He nursed and went right to a sippy cup at 13 months.  ... Yah buddy at 6 months, Mark was having a sippy cup. "HERE!" "TAKE IT!" I made people give him bottles even when I was there because I wasn't walking that road again.  My friend J has a saying she says often "I've already been on that field trip and I don't want to go back." So true. You learn. You evolve in your thinking and understanding.  Do I think Micah is going to go to college with a paci tied to bandana? No. Eventually we'll get him to put it in the bed only, you know, for nap and bed times. And then some day we'll take it away from him when he's ready... Until then, shut it people.

Another example: co-sleeping... I co-slept for the first couple months with each child but always was pretty adamant with getting them into their own beds (or playpens in our room) soon.  I didn't want to lay down with my kids at night in their beds, I didn't want them in my beds... soooo, the past few weeks, Matthew still CLEARLY needs a nap some days. He's tired, he's worn out, we've been GO GO GO this whole summer... the only way I can get him to sleep is if I lay with him for a few minutes. Okay. SIGN ME UP! Today even, I said "we're all taking a nap!" I don't give a care what I used to think or said... shoot! If it means that he rests for an hour and we all can have a nice evening without a cranky monster for a 6 year old, works for me! That means I get to lay down for 15 minutes and do nothing except think and breathe. Okay. Double Score.

I'm side trailing myself though...

Back to the nursing issue.... at the doctor's office today, there was this tv in the waiting room on the health accent channel, I'm sure you've all seen one or similar... Anyhow, I hear "While breastfeeding is still recommended for the first 6 months of life, if you can't....." and it got me thinking. Who cares?  Why is it a big issue? Why is it anyone's business? It is probably easily the most controversy of all baby issues... "how are you going to feed the baby?" My sister and I were both bottle fed and we've turned out alright. My boys are all breastfed. Did I decide that because I wasn't nursed as a baby? No. Do you remember being nursed as a baby? I sure don't remember having a bottle when I close my eyes and think way back. Does it matter that we didn't stop at 6 months or at a year or at 15 months? No. Who cares? Everyone has an opinion though... And... I'm learning that even my own opinions change change change with the passing season. In this season of my life... if Jamie wasn't prompting me to stop, I could easily see myself co-sleeping with Micah and still nursing him for a long time. In fact when I was away from Jamie for so long this summer, there were nights when Micah came to bed with me. Since we were in the same room, I'd hear him when he woke mid night and instead of just waiting for him to self-soothe, I really didn't want to be bothered, so I pull him in bed with me, he'd nurse himself back to sleep and we'd both be fine until morning. If someone would have told my "first time mommy opinion" self that, she'd have argued with you. But this "mother of three opinion" self just doesn't care. Bill Cosby is so dang smack on in his comedy bit about just wanting peace. As long as no one is crying... I don't care what is happening. I really don't. Sure, I don't want the kids climbing on the furniture or smacking each other or burying stuff in the yard. Sure I don't want crayons on the walls or bugs in the kitchen sink, but honestly, if nursing a baby in your bed means that you both sleep well... Well... who cares? In ten, fifteen, twenty years will it matter? ..... nope.

I'll leave you with this... There's all this big talk about it not being polite to nurse in public...and it was very hard for me to nurse Matthew in public. I'd go back to the car or I'd sit in the bathroom if we were out places... It got easier the more comfortable I felt in my abilities to be discrete and of course depending on where we were with each child... I could pretty much nurse Micah anywhere, gimme a nursing cover and blanket and who cares...that comes with trial and error of course, but anyhow.... I saw the funniest picture on Facebook the other day where there was a gentleman in a suit pulling an officer's arm over to the lady sitting on a bench discretely nursing a baby under a blanket, in front of a HUGE bra ad with boobs everywhere in a store window and I forget what exactly the guy was saying to the officer but something about it being offensive to see her womanhood or something. And you think REALLY?  We see more boobs in this generation than ever thanks to Victoria and all she offers... yet a woman with half her body under a blanket, feeding her child makes people cranky.

All that rambling in my head out now... This is of course not the first time this issue has come up or been blogged about, and I'm sorry I'm all over the place, but I just wanted to have my 50 cents worth too.

So here I am... no longer a nursing mommy...

choices choices

Matthew's been getting a lot of choices lately.... I wrote some about his personal Spiritual choices but I have also been thinking about other choices surrounding him.

The other day I told him it was too warm for long sleeves still (after having to put them on a couple days in a row)... since then, when I've sent him to his room to get dressed, he's come out with short sleeves. That's a nice simple good choice right?

The other night at dinner he was faced with two foods on his plate that weren't "normal" I told him he needed to choose. He could either have one bite of peas (he's had before a handful of times) or he could try one bite of mashed potatoes again (he's only had maybe once or twice before). Easy enough right. Pick one. You have to eat one bite. But you get to decide which it is. (He chose the potatoes for anyone keeping track).

A couple days ago, he wanted to play on the computer. I told him he could... but... did he want to do his journal page before hand and get it out of the way or did he want me to set a timer and when the timer ding'd he'd have to do it then no matter what he was doing in the game.... He thought for a moment and then said "well, I guess I better get it out of the way" and then sat down and did his page with no fussing at all. Jamie and I looked at each other. Huh! Impressive.

Today he made a choice on his own that impressed me too. He and Mark had been playing for a while nicely. I was so proud of them. I'd been cleaning up the kitchen before putting Mark to nap... I kissed them both and told them both how proud I was that they were playing nicely and let me clean up the kitchen without having to fuss at anyone. I told them that I was so happy because they were playing nicely. I then put Mark to nap and Matthew asked to color. He then handed me a card that said "I love you. Dear Mommy. I know that you are happy all ready but I made this to make you happyer. Love your 6 year old." (I left the spelling as he wrote it). I love it. He's made several such cards lately where he's responding to situations and then writing things down. I'm so impressed. He's such a delight!  I'm so very proud of the little man that he's developing into.

Thank you Matthew for making such good and positive choices. I will be praying that you continue making the right choices and seek out those who will help you in making such choices all the days of your life. 

rolling along

Life keeps rolling along, doesn't it? I meant to get on here more than a couple times while we were gone but we were busy busy busy and I'm not so good with a laptop. We left June 15 and returned July 14th. How about that for a summer trip, huh?  We had a good time in New Mexico. Jamie was able to join us a couple of days and then our last night, we made smores. I couldn't believe it but my parents have both never had smores before. How is that possible? I mean ... first. you take the mallow.... right? So we have documentation that my children have toasted marshmellos and made them into smores right along with their grandparents for the first time. Even Grams had some. It was fun.

After New Mexico, Mom, Matthew and I went to my most favorite spot in all the world. St. Louis' very own Muny.  "The Muny" is an amazing out door theater. In fact, it is the world's largest still running out door theater, seating nearly 11, 000 seats. This used to be my most favorite summer thing to do with my mom and I still cherish the few times I get to go now.  We took Matthew to see his first live play... Aladdin! We all wore our Cardinals shirts and had a picnic dinner and then took in the Muny! It was awesome to watch Matthew watch it. 

After going to the Muny... the next day we headed out to the KC area and spent a precious few days with my Nic and her family. The kids love each other so much. Allie is a permanent Matthew shadow and Mark shadows Allie. It's quite hysterical. Jonathan and Matthew are the very best of best buds. We did a lot of nothing while we were there and it was wonderful. 

 

After driving the lengthy trip back to Georgia from Missouri, my sweet Matthew made one of the most important decisions of his life... he acted in obedience to our Lord and Savoir and was baptized as Christ was, believing in Him and showing the world that he, Matthew, is a Christian. Matthew will tell you that being baptized doesn't make you a Christian. It just lets everyone know you are one. He's so big. I can't get over it. Sometimes he seems so much smarter than I'll ever be. I'm beyond ecstatic--if there is a thing--that he's so very much in tune with Spiritual things. He loves the Lord and knows that he's supposed to follow and obey the Word. He knows 45 scripture verses by heart and can recite most of them without prompting. He is showing me daily kindness and gentleness with his brothers and such sweetness and helpfulness to me. I am so proud of him... July 15th, being baptized is one of the most important things he'll ever do in this life... this is eternal. My friend B's son was baptized this past Sunday and I am going to steal her words because they ring so true. She said of her son A that this is more important than anything or any other day... more important than his future wedding day or anything. This is eternal. This is Matthew committing to the Lord and agreeing to follow him. I'm so blessed to be a part of his journey with the Lord. I'm so proud of him to come at such a young age to Jesus feet and know Him.  

What was even more amazing about Matthew's baptism though, is that Jamie was the one who was able to baptize him. Matthew may not remember the words his daddy said that day, but we sure will. My heart felt as though it would leap out of my chest if I wouldn't have been holding it down as I watched Matthew take his daddy's hand and wade into the baptism pool. Jamie said that there couldn't be a more proud moment as a father... and with that he baptized Matthew in the name of the Father and Son and Holy Spirit. It was beautiful. 

We had so much family with us that day, it was extra wonderful...
though there were holes, we missed all of our sisters not being able to be there...
It still was fantastic to be surrounded with family. 

We went out to lunch to celebrate. 

After a month with them, it was very hard to say goodbye to my parents. 

I'm so glad for the time I spent in Missouri with them... 

and I'm so blessed that they were able to come

to Georgia to see Matthew's baptism. 

And, as if July 15th wasn't a big enough day 

for my newly turned 6-year old... 

he also lost his first tooth that night while brushing his teeth. 

It's hard to believe it but Summer is about over. 

We have two weeks left and then school starts back up. 

Wonder how much we can squeeze into the last few days of summer time.... 

in New Mexico

I am not updating this as much as I thought I would be while gone on vacation but that's okay. I'm having a good time. And more importantly the boys are. Here we are at the Albuquerque Zoo a couple days ago. Since then, Jamie has joined us and we have four days of Daddy! It is such a blessing from God to be able to spend so much time with our family. It is because of His grace and His blessings that I don't work outside of my home and can pick up and go. It is because of His goodness that my husband allows me to do so. I'm so very thankful for the freedom that my job and he both allow me. Here's a couple pictures from the 4th once Jamie joined us!