Holy Pasta! (and more)

Publix this week ROCKS.

Score for five bags of frozen chicken nuggets for the price of two.

Fast Fixin’ Chicken Nuggets, Tenders, Popcorn, or Fries, 23-26 oz, at $5.99 ($2.99)
With $1.00/1 printable = 1.99 times 5 bags = 9.95 total. (I am going to run out of freezer room if I keep up deals like this!)



Score for free yogurt, free sinus/cold spray, free vinegar, $0.49 sour cream and more...


Score for nearly free pasta.

Mueller’s Pasta, including Whole Wheat Pasta, 12-16 oz, at $1.39 (69¢)
With a $0.55/1 printable = $0.14 PER box. .... WHAT?! I got twenty-five (25) boxes of pasta for get this... a whopping $2.38. Basically 25 boxes for the price of ONE normally! Who can resist!? My storage rack is now stocked with an seemingly endless pasta supply! I'm betting we don't have to buy noodles for the next six months!


I spent a total today of $24.85 and saved a total of $78.44. Can you believe that? If I wasn't looking at the receipt currently, I might not myself!

interesting

Interesting enough that I'd post this big long post about being okay with where I was and knowing that God is in control and in charge and still bigger than all my "why?!" because He doesn't owe me one thing..... To then have that tested big time today. Oh my word that was tested today. I could feel a little nagging in my spirit like, "Are you ready to put your money where your mouth is?" Boy, I got a bad hand dealt today, the weight of the "what if" on my shoulder right now COULD be so heavy. For a long time this afternoon/evening I wallowed in the wonder of WHHHHHY and WHAT IF and and and...

For those of you who are staring at the screen in complete bafflement right now, I'll catch you up. I'm still (TMI) having some issues from the surgery. Yes, go ahead, do the math... allow me to help, this is week THREE. And I'm STILL ... so, anyhow, called and talked to my sweet midwife (who will always be "MINE" even if she's not "there") and she said I needed to call and talk to the nurse. Did that. Nurse, D, called me back. D said that Dr. A really wanted me to be seen again first thing monday morning. Pause, while my heart stops. What? Why? I was expecting to be given meds to stop the bleeding and okay, there we go. But no.... he wants me to come in for an exam, Oh Mercy. And more lab work. Oh kill me. And a possible ultrasound. To see the empty black hole on the screen will just rip me apart. Please no... The likelihood is that one out of some random small chance of people (HI. I'm Dori, yes I'm a delay fish) have to actually have a repeat procedure. WHAT?! And at some point tonight after calling and moaning to friends over the phone, I just had to stop and pause and say:

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

Oh how I wanted to whine and moan and groan. I cried on the phone with two people. Didn't know I was going to do that. I was surprised too by who they were. (MK and K, thank you for letting me). Soooooo. Here I am. I'm just stuck in a land of "wait and see." The dreaded land of "wait and see."

I'm praying I don't have to do a repeat surgery.
I'm praying for Monday to go well and show the doctor exactly what is going on.
I'm praying for God's ultimate healing on my physical body and my dragged through the mud emotional state.

Thanks to all that listen to the ramblings of this page.
Good night.

Giveaway!

One of my most favorite blogs I follow, the coupon goddess, does giveaways often. She's telling us this time around though to post about it on our own blogs for an extra entry and you better believe it, I'll do anything for an extra entry on her site!

SO..... GO HERE!!!! I love her. I love all that she has to offer about life, couponing, motherhood... anything! And this giveaway--- a free big giant stock pot, ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't owe me one thing

We're learning a new song at church for our Easter program coming up and I'm in love with one of the songs... The words are simple, the tune is catchy, but the meaning grows and grows and grows in my heart each time it's sung.

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

Simple enough right?

But oh so powerful.

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

Say it out loud...

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

... how true is that?

The song is sort of broken sounded... like this...

"You ...do ...not ...owe... me ...one ...thing.
Father, you ...do not ...owe ...me ...one ...thing.
Father, you ...have al...ready giv...en ev...ery...thing.
Father, you ...do... not ...owe ...me... one ...thing."

Mmm... I'm going to pound this song in my brain and when I want to know "WHY!!!!!!!?!?!!?", I'm going to remember that my FATHER in HEAVEN already GAVE me EVERYTHING. And He doesn't owe me one thing more. GOD has already given me the ultimate gift. He gave up His only Son for me. He gave up His only Son for you. HIS ONLY SON.... HE GAVE HIM. He sent Him down from Glory to a tiny manger, had Him live in a man's body and die a horrible death on the cross so that WE would be FREE. I'm bound by sin no longer, because I have Jesus Christ in my heart!! Satan is not my master, because I have Jesus Christ in my life!!!!!! Sin will not weigh me down and keep me on the floor because the LORD JESUS REIGNS FOREVER!!!!! ... so when I want to shout into the Heavens, "WHY!!?".... I have to remember and sing this song... And though it's hard. And though the tears will fall... I am GRATEFUL for my Lord and Savior. I'm grateful to be a daughter of the Most High King. I'm grateful that I know I'll see my babies again in Heaven some day and that they are already serving their King. ...

In church this past Sunday, we sang these words "When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory." I'm sure you know that hymn... And man, that is the truth for me. When I get to Heaven it will be a day of rejoicing. I'm going to praise my Savior for forever and I'll see the children I never got a chance to hold.

And until that day... I'm going to keep singing this song in my heart, whenever I'm low....

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.

You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.

You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

some good ones

Tomorrow my sweet friend, Jess, leaves. I've been so grateful for the distraction. It's been nuts here, constant constant motion, crazy...but a good crazy. I'm almost nervous to be left alone again. I'm wondering if the silence will bring back the steady stream of tears. But I know I have a good support system here, I know I do. I need to just rely on GOD fully, and place my trust and hope in Him alone. He is my comfort. He is my strength. I know it will be hard, but I have to get back to "normal" life. I'm so thankful for this week. These are some of my favorites from the week, aside from the ones already posted from the IKEA outing.

Ikea

First, because I can't help myself, LOOK at how cute our kids are~
Mark loves this baby. He's just crazy about the baby. ...

And I couldn't help posting a good one of all four,
even if Mark is more interested in the baby than saying cheese...

That out of the way, (they are cute huh?!)

Today was quite interesting. Three adult women took five... five children to IKEA ummm for quite a long time. Two three-year olds, one two-year old, one one-year old, one 3-month old. Friends Leigh and Jess went off to the mega-store without me this morning. ...Let's just say they needed a headstart. I'm soooooo not a shopper. I couldn't think about spending 3, 4, 6, 10 hours in one store. Plus, I had to wait for Matthew since he was in school. So anyhow, I meet up with the posse and they are ready for lunch. I'm thinking... "What?! We're going to eat lunch, in the store?" (did I mention, I'd never been to IKEA before??, well I hadn't.) Do you know they have a cafeteria/restaurant IN this store. Shoot, they don't want you to leave, once you get there, you are THERE... I thought Jess was totally joking but nooooooo, she was dead serious. This was the biggest store I'd ever seen. According to Matthew, it was the "giant-est store ever on the whole world!" Let me tell you that between the three older that could talk, the second youngest who enjoyed hitting me and telling me "no" and the hungry, tired, fussy, sometimes sleeping and then content baby, there was lots of "don't." "stop." "please don't" "please stop" "REALLY, Don't." "please listen" "keep your hands in the cart" "keep all your hands in the cart" "boys!" "boys!" "no hitting" and on and on ... All in all though, ...we handled the crying, hitting, beating, banging, shouting, shrieking, screaming, whining, crying, hitting, potty-ing, crying, running, eating, crying, shouting, laughing and more crying fairly well, I thought.

I pushed the boys.

Jessica and Leigh took turns pushing the bags, the baby and the girl.

The big boys chewing on, screaming into and banging with the cups I did end up buying.

Mark with the ball we didn't buy, much to his sadness...

The crazy mommies and the baby.

Some funny shots of Matthew during "play time" after we'd "shopped."

The icecream the children got after we made it through the madhouse! I thought Leigh was mad for buying them icecream after all that screaming and shouting and whining and and and and... but hey, it calmed them down. All in all, the outing was actually sort of fun and a great distraction. Thanks Jess, for convincing me to go. *wink*

company

One sure fire way to get your mind off your own problems is to have three extra bodies in your house~ I love every minute of it, but it's a work out. Late last night/early this morning, a sweet friend, J, arrived with her two boys to spend the week with me. She has cried with me during this time, both on the phone and reading this blog... she is so sweet to come and drop everything (((Remember that post? If not, go here))) for me this week. We only decided that she was coming Saturday and then yesterday she was packed and on a bus. I am very grateful... I love the distraction.... and the company. *wink* (((From my "drop everything post, she's that friend, I went to. Pretty cool huh?)))

This morning I loved being in the heat of three little boys running around, screaming at each other, cooking/preparing breakfast, making them all sit down, say a blessing, stay put, eat, stay put, eat, finish eating, eat my own breakfast, wipe all the faces and hands, send them back off playing... I love the environment of "busy." When I was telling Nic about it she said, "it sounds kind of like the chaos you thrive in." And she's so right. I love the constant, "Be careful." "don't hurt him." "Watch out." "Please don't lay on the table." "We leave the letters [magnets] on the fridge." "Matthew, be nice." "Markie, don't hit!" and so on. I love it. I love holding babies and sitting on the floor playing train tracks and being surrounded.

I only felt a little down when it was quiet during nap time. Both big boys were sleeping, Mark was content with cheerios and a baby video, the baby was dozing, so my friend and I were just able to sit and talk. We talked about some things we want to do this week. We talked about some feelings I was still holding in. We talked about some personal things... it was good, but also somewhat sad. It was the only time I felt down today... if I was busy and had "things to do" I was good. I was too occupied to stop and dwell on things or even ponder things, but as soon as the house was quiet, I was somber and feeling low. I'm thankful for my J being here. I really am. I'm so glad that the same one person is here to just sit with me and let me be busy or let me be low and venty... Thank you J. I love you. I'm glad you're here.

Psalms 34

A day or two ago, my best friend asked me if I was getting many cards after telling her about the previously mentioned "In Memory" card from Laura and Mike. I told her no, not really. A couple, but really that was fine. They make me cry, regardless of how beautiful they are. Though, those that I am receiving I am saving. Geesh, all I do is cry. .... And, today another beautiful card came in the mail... from her mom. My mom2.

Part of the card says that God's heart knows... that He understands the pain of losing a child, He sees the questions in your mind, He feels the depth of your grief...

How I'm hanging on to those and these words...

"The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking." Psalm 34:18 TLB



Psalms 34 (NKJ)

I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces were not ashamed.
6 This poor man cried out, and the LORD heard him,
And saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel[a] of the LORD encamps all around those who fear Him,
And delivers them.

8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
9 Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.
10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger;
But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing.

11 Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Who is the man who desires life,
And loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.
16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
20 He guards all his bones;
Not one of them is broken.
21 Evil shall slay the wicked,
And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems the soul of His servants,
And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.

In Memory

The front of the card reads:

In Memory.
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid... for the LORD they God... will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." Deuteronomy 31:6

Inside along with a beautiful note, the card also reads:
In Memory of:
Baby Hobbs

One
Gideon-Placed Bible is being provided by the H's.

(The sender of this card made a donation to The Gideons International in the name of Baby Hobbs)

.....

I'm amazed.

I'm so touched.

NOTHING so far has touched me like this.

Laura and Mike, my soon to be family-in-law, I can't thank you enough for this gift.

I received this beautiful card yesterday in the mail and I just cried. Oh I cried and cried. Good tears... ;) ...I kept thinking about all the "WHY"s I'd been shouting in my head. God knew. I find some comfort thinking that someone out there in the world will receive this Bible with the words "Baby Hobbs" in it. They might not know that it means Baby Hobbs is gone, they might not be able to read his name, but they'll get that Bible. Someone in the world will have the gospel of Jesus Christ in their hands because of Mike and Laura's love and compassion... because our baby went to see his Savior. Someone may come to know Christ Jesus as Lord over all because of our baby. I will be praying for this someone daily. I will be lifting up this nameless, faceless precious one who may know Christ at this cost. God already knows who it is. ... I'm so moved. I'm so touched. Laura and Mike, this has blessed me and Jamie so much. You may never fully understand or be aware of the great joy and treasure your generous gift was. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

If you ever have a need and could send a donation in memory of someone to the Gideon Bibles, please do so. What a gift. What a treasured treasured gift. Please go here. See this. For more information about the Gideon ministries, go here.

God's Timing

I am just constantly thinking of how AMAZING God is. How amazing His TIMING is. ... I'd like to recap...


Five weeks ago at my normal, good, baby still alive appt... midwife K wanted to see me in 6 weeks. That would be next Wed. But I didn't want to wait that long... I could right now not know anything was wrong... I wasn't alone when I found out. I'm not waiting in turmoil wondering if the baby will make it.

Wed at the appt, she went into the u/s room with me. Normally it's just you and the tech. I've never in probably 5-10 ultrasounds ever had K go in with me. But this time she did. And when the u/s tech said nothing, K came around to hold my hand. I wasn't alone.

Wed at the hospital, Jamie was driving as fast as he could (ahem) but I was still alone for a bit of time. I didn't call this friend, and I didn't ask for her to come, but come she did. I again, wasn't alone while I waited for Jamie.

Thursday... Oh Thursday. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to cry the whole day. I wanted to wallow in the awfulness. But God didn't allow that. I did cry on and off, but it wasn't the whole day. God let Jamie come back home from work only a short time from getting there. He brought a friend over with dinner and when I really did need to be alone, he sent more friends to sit with me while Jamie and Matthew went to pick up my mom. I wasn't ever alone more than 10 minutes the whole day. He didn't allow me to wallow. God never left me, and was holding my hands with all those different people.

Friday. Surgery Day. While going through the registration, the lady checking us in's radio was playing "Hold my Heart". Jamie whispered in my ear "there it is again." I said "what??" Not even had heard it yet... he said, "That song. It's been my theme song the past two days." My eyes filled as I listened. I'd already been singing the chorus in my head the past two days too. ...

As we went through the pre-op stuff, I was ordered another u/s to triple make sure. There was something horrifying about them going in after my baby, and "what if" the heart was actually still beating. What if they took life out of my womb... I let slow silent tears fill my eyes and slide down my cheeks as I watched the u/s tech look one more time at the screen. This time it was slightly turned in my direction. Thank you God. I was able to almost see for myself. I held Jamie's hand the whole time. In my head, I was saying good bye. I was able to find a small moment of peace, looking at the screen, seeing the baby's formed body and whispering "Goodbye. Mommy Loves You." in my head. In that room, I was not alone.

We walked back to pre-op. My midwife was there. God I love her. K, I love you. She hugged me. She held my hand. And when my doctor ... decided... to be... a snippity creep without any bedside manners or compassion... she squeezed that hand harder. She said "we're not afraid of Dr. A." ... after he told me that I didn't need another u/s since I'd only had one two days before. K spoke up, she said "I ordered it. It was for peace of mind." Dr. A then snipped again "At least I know who the culprit is, I'll be behind schedule all day." ... I could feel my precious husband tense up, I felt my heart in my chest, K griped my hand tighter, she said "it's okay. It was for peace of mind. It was needed. We're not off schedule." She never faltered. She didn't back down. She stood up for me and for my baby. And I love her. ... In that awful moment without the doctor's compassion, I was not alone.

On Saturday, when I was recovering, and my sweet K called to check on me, and she said "honey I have some bad news, can you handle bad news right now?"... and she told me she was no longer employed at my OBGYN's office... that she and another had been let go... and I think about how I could still be pregnant right now, (oh I want to be) but I could be. and she could be gone. And I could be without the only person in the world I would want delivering my babies... and I am again unable to deny God's persistant presence and perfect timing in my life. HE knew we couldn't wait for Monday or Tuesday. HE knew it had to be Friday. HE knew I needed K on Friday. For three hours before, during and after surgery she held my hand... but HE knew that after that I'd be without her... and yet. even with that knowledge now, I am not alone.


I thank you Jesus, for allowing my mom to come down and to be with my boys and to take Matthew to the circus for me for the first time and to hold me and to help me. I'm thankful that K was allowed to be by my side once more in the time I needed her so badly. I'm so thankful that you allowed Jamie to grieve on Sunday at church and when he needed you, Lord, he wasn't alone. I thank you for the continued help between my moms club and our amazing church family. I am so blessed by the love and support coming from all sides. I know you're hand is on this. And I know that I don't understand. Father please hold us. Lord please continue to be our beacon. I need you Lord.


It doesn't make it hurt any less.... but it's so comforting and makes me wonder what the hurt would be like, without the knowledge that our Lord JESUS, is, in control.