Contentment

What is it?
and
Can you achieve it?

Paul talks about it in Philippians chapter 4. He talks in verse 11 about having LEARNED how to be content.  Today in Bible Study, we talked about just this. And how it's a life long lesson. And how when we think "I'd be content if only...." anything... if we're thinner, if we have more money, if we have more children, more romance, more things, a bigger house, a better job, a better car.... Yet the problem is that THINGS can't fill us with contentment. Because as soon as we achieve someTHING, we end up wanting something else.  Satan's desire is to kill, steal and destroy us and man! he does a good job at trying. It's hard to walk in life with our heads lifted high singing sweet melodies all the day because life is jolly. Because life isn't jolly all the time. There are moments of discouragement, there are moments of discontentment. And we have to choose to LEARN from those. We need to learn from all our trials and struggles and live problems and learn how to be able to be content. My Bible Study leader said this morning so many profound things. You know... Paul was beaten to nearly death, stoned, beaten with rods, ship wrecked, naked, left for dead, starved, thirsted, imprisoned, robbed, frostbitten--- she said "and that's just what happened to his physical body what about his heart?!" He was deceived, despised,  hated, mistreated, his heart concerned for those around him, the current church, those hunting and pursuing him, he had concern for his own life... and instead of writing "I'm tired of ALL YOU PEOPLE!" he wrote "In all things, I've learned to be content."  Oh wow. Oh... wow.  We don't have our priorities lined up at all, at all, at all... Oh!  I'm not saying life is roses... because we know it's not. Life is hard. There *are* trials. But God is faithful. Oh God is faithful. God promises to be and remain faithful. And if Paul, who went through the worst of all imaginable sufferings (save the shame and horror that Christ suffered in His own crucifixion) and can come out on the other side, saying "I've learned how to be content" ... then who am I to whine about my own problems?  No one.  God tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 that he has plans for me. a hope for me. a future for me.  So even if my season right now is tough, even if my life right now is hard.... or yours..... how can we not aim for contentment. THIS wont last forever. It wont. THANK YOU JESUS! Whatever your "it" is... it wont last forever. This is a season. And God is faithful. And through Christ alone, we can place our trust and do all things with His strength and His might. Our contentment isn't found in something. It's found in someone... it's found in Christ alone.

Oh Father, help me to be content. Help me to remember DAILY to place my trust in you. To ask you to go before me and beside me and behind me. Help me Lord to remember that my trials are for a season and that I can cling to you and come out on the other side. Thank you Jesus for your goodness, for your grace and mercy. Thank you Lord for sending me a Savoir... Amen.

go here to listen to a gorgeous song... it's about a promise, that God has for us. That HE promises to always be there. To be there through it all. Makes you remember that YOU *CAN* do it -- anything -- with Christ's help, with His strength, His love, His NAME!, His blood!, His word.... I hope you enjoy it. I have been feasting on it for a few days actually because we're learning it at church. It's such a beautiful song about God's promise, God's goodness... even through the worst of hardest times... God's still God. And He. Is. Good.

How He Loves Me

Oh. How He Loves Me Oh.
Oh. How He Loves Me. Oh.
Oh. How He Loves Me. Oh.
He is Jealous for Me. Wind like a hurricane, I am the tree. ...

Have you heard this song?

go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzfPHnoT0-0

I can't stop singing it in my head. Our church did it Sunday and I've of course heard it on the radio before but never has it touched me in such a way. OH. HOW HE LOVES ME OH! God is Jealous for you. Do you feel it? Do you see Him? Do you feel His love?

I am so thankful that I do.

Emmanuel

Last night was our Christmas program at church.

Here is one of the solos I sang.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u7d25rgeAQ


Enjoy.

God is good

There isn't much sweeter than a child singing praises to God. Matthew was singing along with the Phil Cross CD this morning, melting my heart.

"God is good, He's always good, He's never anything less, oh oh oh God is good, He's always good, that's why I know I am blessed."

"He's the merciful and mighty, forever holy..."

"The great I am, still is."

When your child sings words such as these, it is a confirmation that yes, God IS good. And He's right there with you. And He still is the great I AM.

Worthy

Worthy --- that is the resounding message in the song service planned for Sunday. Worthy, Worthy, Worthy... Worthy is the Lamb... Worthy to be praised...

I'm singing a solo with the choir called Revelation song... here are the words....


Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, Holy Holy is He.
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on Heaven's mercy seat.

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, Holy Holy is He.
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on Heaven's mercy seat.

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything, and I will adore you.

Clothed in rainbows, of living color, flashes of lighting, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be, to you the only wise King. Yeah!

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything, and I will adore you.

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, at the mention of your name.
Jesus your name is power, breath of living water, such a marvelous mystery. Yeah!

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything, and I will adore you.

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything, and I will adore you.

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything, and I will adore you.
And I will adore you.

untitled

I don't have much today, only this:



"...And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm...."



.

Hi baby of mine

Yesterday I had another appt with my midwife, K. I love her. Oh how I love her. Love love love her. She's so wonderful and warm and understands my fears and concerns. She lost her own tiny miracle last year. She knows the pain I have felt in the past. We grieved together. She is more than ready to say "Call my cell, girl! You have a personal midwife, that's what I'm for!" any time I'm anxious, concerned, worried, whatever! She's so wonderful. It's no reason I followed her from my old practice to where she is currently. I don't mind the drive. The time I spend in the car on the way to the appointments, I listen to Phil Cross. I play his songs over and over. I go into my appointments with peace of mind, understanding that anything could happen. That I'm not garenteed anything. That God is a great and mighty and loving God and that ultimately He. does. not. owe. me. one. thing. Oh how I play that song. I'm glad for the time alone and I can just saturate myself with that thought. You do not owe me one thing, Father. This song has done such a marvelous thing for my thought life... ANYHOW!!

Yesterday, after listening and preparing my heart for any outcome, I walked into my appointment feeling a little anxious. What met me though, on that ultrasound screen was nothing short of God's glory. K was overjoyed and just as excited as I was while I saw our sweet miracle baby turn in a full circle, wiggling around. S/he raised a closed fist high above the head in a stretch and stuck both feet out, showing me all the toes. I felt such a peace as I sat there watching my child dance inside me on that screen. A screen where I have seen and felt emptiness and heartache, yesterday showed me hope and joy and peace and glory and God in a way I needed. I know that there still isn't a promise that I'll hold this child on this earth. And I have to live knowing that. But I feel as though I got a huge gift yesterday. This window, this glimpse in the womb, to see this miracle. It was as if God said, "here child. I'm here. This baby is fine. Stop you're fretting now."

So. I made my phone calls to the appropriate people and began again singing to God how He doesn't owe me one thing, but how grateful I am for each moment with my children (all of them) he has given me and continues to give me.

Next appt is in 3.5 weeks (the longest between them so far) after we get back from a week to the beach!

Star Spangled Banner

Did you know there was more to this beautiful song that our country claims as the National Anthem? Did you know that there are more verses to be heard? To be sung? And it also tells us what our motto should be "In GOD is our trust!"The second and third verses are telling the story of the battle that Francis Scott Key must have been witness to. The fourth verse gives GOD all the glory and honor. "Blest with victory and peace, may the heaven rescuted land, PRAISE THE POWER that hath made and preserved us a nation.

In high school, I honestly can not count the number of times I sang the Star-Spangled Banner. I would sing with or without the school's band for MANY sporting events, mostly basket ball and some football. I sang our National Anthem for DARE Graduations and DARE training events and award ceremonies. I sang our country's theme song with multiple choirs I belonged to. In one of these choirs we sang our National Anthem for a St. Louis Rams Game. I sang it by myself for my uncle's last basket ball game he coached. I sang it by myself when my sister wrestled in the State Championships... .... Never once did I know there were more words. WHY?!?! Why in schools are we not taught the rest? Why do our schools try to teach us that the country was founded with men of a great many faiths? Why are the schools trying to cover up the truth about our country's history? There is so much I wish I would have known...


Here are ALL the words to the Francis Scott Key's beautiful song he wrote for our nation in 1814. May we never forget that our COUNTRY was grounded in Christianity as our founding father's were. May we never forget that GOD is who we should place our trust, not on the things of this world. May we never forget that WE are FREE because CHRIST died for us!


Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

The Lord's day

Today in Sunday School there was some good conversation about "keeping the Sabbath" and the Lord's day... did you know that Sunday isn't actually the Sabbath? The Sabbath, in Jewish culture, is Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown, making Saturday the Sabbath. Back in the time of Jesus (and I'm betting some small number still today) those who truly kept the Sabbath holy did no work of any kind from Friday pm to Saturday pm. And we were told today that THEN, after they'd rested Saturday then they went back to work on Sunday as the first day of the work week, then after their work was done, Sunday evening met for a time of worship and remembering of Christ's death on the cross and Resurrection from the grave. We are busy. We are a busy people with many places to go and much to do. We don't think there is time to "keep the Sabbath." But here's what the Bible says in Exodus 20: ⁸ “ Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. ¹¹ For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

Can we even imagine that? On Saturday, to do no work. No laundry. No yard work. No house cleaning. No food preparing. ... In today's day and age, we can't even try to process this. It is a good thing that we live under God's grace. (Something else greatly talked about in the message from today's sermon) Without God's grace and mercy we'd all fall short.... And while we can't possibly do all that Ex 20: 8-11 says to do about the Sabbath. What we can do is make sure that we are honoring God. That if we have laundry to fold or the yard to be mowed, we're doing it with a clean heart and with a cheerful spirit. That we aren't grumbling or complaining. That we are living our daily tasks with God on our mind and not the world. As we go to the ball games and the concerts and the festivals and the backyard, that what we ARE doing, whatever it is, is pleasing to the Lord.

Personally I don't even like the idea of laundry or chores on Sunday. I don't think I really knew before today that the Sabbath wasn't Sunday but Saturday but even still and now knowing that... There is something about working or doing chores or even having a ball game on Sunday that has never sat right with me. I do it if it needs be done, but something about it has always made me feel funny. Sunday is the day we choose to go to church and worship as a family and take time to publicly honor God in his Sanctuary. Sunday needs to be a day to spend as a family--loving each other, praying together, helping one another... it should be a day of grumbling, arguing or being apart from each other. It should be a day we devote to God and all that we do, do it for His glory. ... I think if we can manage to attempt to do this on Sundays, then perhaps we can hold on to the attitude of Christ's a bit longer and stronger and our days throughout the rest of the week may not be so cumbersome. Not that there wont be trials. The Bible says we will face trials. I just think that if we can come together and start a fresh on the first day of the week, Sunday, as a family, strong with the body of Christ, then how mighty will our attitude be, ready to face the week ahead?!

...

Something else to say, we again sang the song during worship time Blessed be the Name of the Lord.... and there is something about that song that makes me just tear up. It says "You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name."

In this past week, we've gone to a funeral and a wedding. We have seen such deep sorrow and also such great joy. We have been a part of a deep pain and a grief that is momentous to bear and we've also celebrated the happiness of a new marriage, a new life.

In all that happens in our lives, the good and the bad... Are we willing to say "Regardless Lord. Regardless of what you take or what you give... I CHOOSE to say, Lord Blessed be your Name. I choose to say that YOU are still God and you are my God and you are the God of the nations, you are the King of Kings, you are the Lord of Lords."

It is a choice.

You can choose to let something other than God rule your life...

or you can choose to say "Lord, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!"

special moments

Tonight while reading to Matthew, Mark climbed up in my lap too. I sat their reading with one boy on each knee. They both sat there really good and quiet and attentive. It is rare moments like this that I will try to savor and help me through the hard times. Moments where I hope I can remember later what the feel of their skin was... the smell of their clean still damp from baths hair... the way Mark smiles and wrinkles his nose just like mine does... the way Matthew hugs me so tight and says "I love ya, Mom"... when did he get to be such a big boy?

Tomorrow we celebrate Matthew's fourth birthday (even though it's not until Wed) with a Percy Party at the train tracks. I can't wait. He's so excited. I've made another huge cake (a Percy cake), complete with rice crispies treats tracks. ((Not even close to coming as cool as the snowman, but it's neat!)) I will do my best to have a good time. Though inside I am really hurting. We had a hard day and some very tragic news today.

All I will say for now is that life is too short. And God does not owe me one thing. He doesn't owe you one thing either....

I'll leave you tonight with a Point of Grace song that's been in my head all day.


Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want but want what you have
Hmmmmm
And don't spend your life lookin back

[Chorus:]
Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
And let it all out
Cause you won't regret it
Lookin back from where you have been
Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you lived

[Verse 2:]
So go to the ball game
And go to the ballet
Go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth cause you can't get away
Oh No...
Just face it and you'll be okay

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Ohhhhh
Wherever you are and wherever you been
Now is the time to begin

[Verse 3:]
To give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
Cause all that you do is bound to come back to
You
So think of your fellow men
Make peace with God but make peace with yourself
Cause in the end there's nobody else

[Chorus]

Cause it's not who you knew and it's not what
You did
It's how you lived

I will carry you

A friend of mine has given me the link to her husband's cousin's blog. M is going through a trial no mother should. She knows that her baby has a problem and the doctors do not think that her baby will live much longer in the womb and they feel certain if she does carry this sweet baby to term, the baby will not live outside the womb. I have been praying for them since we first learned this news several weeks back. It breaks my heart for them. With both my losses, I didn't know until it was too late. I didn't carry my baby after knowledge like this. I didn't bear this burden on my shoulders daily. I know that I'm on vacation and the postings should be light and filled with fun, but I read her blog today and just moved right over to my own to post this. Please pray for M and her baby and her family. She posted this song. I've not heard it yet but I plan to get the CD asap. I cried while reading these words. Get your kleenex out, if you're going to read along...


I Will Carry You from the CD Selah- You Deliver Me

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave, but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To Carry YOU

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted sea
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One who's chosen me
To carry You

a verse

Someone needs to hear this...

so this is for you...


" Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest " Matthew 11:28.



I'm still thinking (often) about the Phil Cross song: You do not owe me one thing.

The thing about that song is... That though God DOESN'T owe you one thing... He wants to give you everything. He loves you. YOU. so much. And He is waiting for you to run to Him, cling to Him. So many things have been going on this week... in my friends circle there is a lot of hard news, sad news, scary news, struggles, turmoil...


For my one friend who's struggling with juggling work and life and kids and being gone and all that will happen in the next month, know that JESUS will give your rest.

For my one friend who's struggling with her husband being gone and her baby being ill and all that goes with keeping a house solo, know that JESUS will be your rest.

For my one friend who's been struggling greatly lately with her role in her current life, unable to forgive herself and see past her pain and see Jesus' loving open arms, when you're ready to run to Him... know that JESUS will be your rest.

For my one friend who's been badly hurt by a family member whom she loves dearly, please know that JESUS will be your rest.

For my one friend who's marriage is ending and her world is in shambles, cling to Jesus friend, know that JESUS will be your rest.

For my one friend who has suffered a loss, and is struggling to cope... cling to Jesus right now, and know that JESUS will be your rest.

For my one friend who can't stand going to work every day and suffers greatly while she's there, know that JESUS will be your rest.


Jesus wants to give us all the greatest gift of all... eternal life. And with it... rest. comfort. peace. joy. healing...


The words of the song will still haunt me. They may haunt me forever. I'm so looking forward to singing this song again this coming Sunday at church...


You do not owe me one thing, Father
You do not owe me one thing, Father
You have already given everything, Father
You do not owe me one thing.

The next line (have I shared this part on here?) is... I owe it all! I owe it all! I owe it all! I owe it all!

Oh Father in Heaven, we do owe it all to you. But we're so grateful that you are able to give us everything, that you HAVE already given us everything. Thank you for loving us, Father, for being our rock, our shoulders, our strength, our comforter, our pillars when the world around us is crashing down... Lord heal our hearts. We are a broken people. Heal our hearts. Amen.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

Does anyone know this old hymn, we sang it at church yesterday?

The joy of the Lord is your strength. (I love how it goes “The joy of the Lo-o-o-o-rd is your strength.” It’s fun to sing)

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

He heals the broken hearted and they cry no more.

He heals the broken hearted and they cry no more.

He heals the broken hearted and they cry no more.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

He gives me living water and I thirst no more.

He gives me living water and I thirst no more.

He gives me living water and I thirst no more.

The joy of the Lord is your strength.

The Pastor's text:

Nehemiah 8:10-12

¹⁰ Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

¹¹ The Levites calmed all the people, saying, "Be still, for this is a holy day. Do not grieve."

¹² Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.

Remembering that God does not owe me one thing, I also have to remember that the JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH. Continuing in Pastor’s series this week was joy. Last week was love… I have been thinking about what he said last week about love… You can't have joy if you don't first have God's love within you. You can't be truly happy and full of joy without Jesus. ... You can't have peace if you don't have joy and love. ... and so on. It builds on each other. And it has to start with love.

Well, this week was joy. The points of the message were (1.) that we have an enemy of joy… the devil of course. He’s ready to steal and kill your joy. The devil hates who we are in Christ Jesus. No one can take you out of your Father’s hands, but he (the devil) can TRY to steal your joy, which will result in the loss of your strength. We need to keep our focus on HIM during our trials…

We sang “Blessed be Your Name” I love the line “You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will CHOOOOOOSE to say, Lord blessed be your Name” It is a choice! And we can choose to wallow in our sorrows, or we can choose to say that it is hard and it is sad but the Lord is still good and His mercy reigns forever! We can CHOOSE to say Lord BLESSED BE YOUR NAME…

Back to joy… (2.) the example of joy…. Remember that in Isaiah 55 it says God’s ways are higher than your ways. Also remember in Psalms that it says the joy comes in the morning. God wants us to find our joy—in Him! In Nehemiah chapter 8, the scribe Ezra stood at the wall of Jerusalem and read the scrolls of the first five BOOKS of the Bible from morning until midday… and when he did so, the people gathered around, stood and listened ATTENTIVELY. Could we say that today? Could we listen attentively, while someone read from the scriptures for HOURS???? We get itchy after an hour long church service where we’re sitting most of the time…. You know what they did after he was done reading all that time? They were convicted and they wept be/c God was talking to them. And they were told NOT to weep or mourn, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Remember that GOD Is your strength and the only way to get to know MORE of HIM, is to be MORE in the WORD.

(3.) The entirety of Joy… remember that Satan is ready for you to lose your focus. He wants to pull at you until you are focusing on the bad, dwelling on the bad… But Phil 4:8 says Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. We’re supposed to be thinking on the Good things. Not the bad. We tend to dwell on the bad things but we’re called to “Seek first the kingdom of Heaven” and there is nothing BAD about that! Pastor asked “why is it that we let absolutely awful thoughts into our minds and hearts that have no focus on God and His goodness???” (I don’t know!,but I’m so guilty of this!) He also said that he doesn’t know how much we can control what pops into our minds, but we can control where the spotlight shines. … Pastor also gave us some strategies…

1. Memorize Scripture. This isn’t for little kids only. It’s our job to keep God’s word hidden in our hearts (Ps 119:11). It’s when we can pull out our scripture in dark times that can keep us focused on God and the good

2.Personalize Bible Passages. (I’d never heard this before… but it’s pretty neat)

Ex) God gave His only son so that Kate Hobbs will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Ex) The LORD is near to Kate Hobbs who has a broken heart (Ps. 34:10)

Ex) Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid, for the LORD they God will not fail Kate, nor forsake Kate. (Deut 31:6)

3.Affirm God’s Goodness! God is GOOD and He does all things for good! Tell Him so! Tell yourself so! The joy of the Lord is your strength

During the alter call, I found my heart pounding as Pastor was praying. Where has my own joy gone? I'm letting it wallow away. I felt a tugging in my heart yesterday as though Jesus was tugging at me, saying come back to me. Find your joy, Kate... it's in me.

Thank you Jesus for being my joy. The strength of my joy!

You don't owe me one thing

We're learning a new song at church for our Easter program coming up and I'm in love with one of the songs... The words are simple, the tune is catchy, but the meaning grows and grows and grows in my heart each time it's sung.

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

Simple enough right?

But oh so powerful.

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

Say it out loud...

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

... how true is that?

The song is sort of broken sounded... like this...

"You ...do ...not ...owe... me ...one ...thing.
Father, you ...do not ...owe ...me ...one ...thing.
Father, you ...have al...ready giv...en ev...ery...thing.
Father, you ...do... not ...owe ...me... one ...thing."

Mmm... I'm going to pound this song in my brain and when I want to know "WHY!!!!!!!?!?!!?", I'm going to remember that my FATHER in HEAVEN already GAVE me EVERYTHING. And He doesn't owe me one thing more. GOD has already given me the ultimate gift. He gave up His only Son for me. He gave up His only Son for you. HIS ONLY SON.... HE GAVE HIM. He sent Him down from Glory to a tiny manger, had Him live in a man's body and die a horrible death on the cross so that WE would be FREE. I'm bound by sin no longer, because I have Jesus Christ in my heart!! Satan is not my master, because I have Jesus Christ in my life!!!!!! Sin will not weigh me down and keep me on the floor because the LORD JESUS REIGNS FOREVER!!!!! ... so when I want to shout into the Heavens, "WHY!!?".... I have to remember and sing this song... And though it's hard. And though the tears will fall... I am GRATEFUL for my Lord and Savior. I'm grateful to be a daughter of the Most High King. I'm grateful that I know I'll see my babies again in Heaven some day and that they are already serving their King. ...

In church this past Sunday, we sang these words "When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory." I'm sure you know that hymn... And man, that is the truth for me. When I get to Heaven it will be a day of rejoicing. I'm going to praise my Savior for forever and I'll see the children I never got a chance to hold.

And until that day... I'm going to keep singing this song in my heart, whenever I'm low....

"You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.

You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.

You do not owe me one thing.
Father, you do not owe me one thing.
Father, you have already given everything.
Father, you do not owe me one thing."

alone

My mom left this morning. She'd flown down from STL to be with us since Thursday pm. I don't know what I would have done without her. She was a rock in this house the past two days. Friday morning we woke early and left for the hospital, my boys safe and snug in their beds. I was blessed that they didn't have to wake up and be shuffled around town. I know my friends would have willingly taken them in, but it did my heart good to know they were home. My mom took care of my boys while Jamie and my midwife, K, took care of me. My mom also found our house. She did all the dishes, cleaned the counters, the playroom, found the floors, caught up the laundry. Thank you so much mom. You truly did more than I could have asked for. I felt so out of control yesterday, able to be awake some but not able to get up and do anything... as it is I type this from the laptop on the couch. I will be glad when the cramping stops and I can function better. Right now I feel very isolated. As I mentioned, Mom left this morning. Jamie loaded up the boys to take her to the airport and then to church. I know that my boys are once again being taken care of. The nursery workers are loving on Markie and Matthew will be fine in his classroom. My husband will be hugged I know. I wish I was there. I miss my friends and I need to hear God's message for me. I will be listening to the sermon on line as soon as it's up. I wish I could feel the love of the church from this stupid couch. I know they are loving on my men though, and if I were there they'd be holding me too.

I've been thinking consistently about one song in particular... Tenth Avenue North's Hold my Heart There is one line that just repeats over and over and over and over in my brain. "Could the maker of the stars, hear the sound of my breaking heart?" I know He does. I know he promises that we are worth more than the sparrows. But it's hard. It's so hard. Friday morning, during our registration process at the hospital, this song was playing in the small room we were waiting. Jamie said it'd been his theme song the past two days. It's stuck with me too. I wake up at night hearing just that line "hear the sound of my breaking heart" I say it over and over in my mind. "Oh Lord, hear the sound of my breaking heart". ... If you haven't heard it, you should get a copy.

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?

One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?

One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?

One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

Jesus Jesus Precious Jesus

There is nothing sweeter than my 3 year old son singing words of Praise! This afternoon he was singing without prompting "Jesus Jesus Precious Jesus Oh I trust Him Jesus Jesus Precious Jesus" We listen to a CD with this song on it often in the car... here are all the words, in case you aren't familiar with it or if you'd just like to read the words again. Do you trust in Jesus? Can you sing to Him, "Jesus Jesus Precious Jesus, oh for Grace to trust you more!"? How God works in my son to tug at my heartstrings... I'm always amazed.

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Text: Louisa M. R. Stead, c. 1850-1917
Music: William J. Kirkpatrick, 1838-1921

1. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take him at his word;
just to rest upon his promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Refrain:
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

2. O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
just to trust his cleansing blood;
and in simple faith to plunge me
neath the healing, cleansing flood!

(Refrain)

3. Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
just from sin and self to cease;
just from Jesus simply taking
life and rest, and joy and peace.
(Refrain)

4. I'm so glad I learned to trust thee,
precious Jesus, Savior, friend;
and I know that thou art with me,
wilt be with me to the end.

(Refrain)

Nothing Compares

This weekend our church put on our annual Christmas Concert. This year we did a marvelous Travis Cottrell book, King of Glory King of Love. Go here to check out more of his website.

The point of this blog post though is to take just a moment and share with you something from my heart. I know there are those reading that I've never met. You don't know me from Adam... here's a window into my life. Click on this video and watch our Choir sing this song called Nothing Compares. I have a solo part way into the song. I'd love to share that with you. I'd love share with you this song.... there's a line that says "I could count all the ways that my heart has been blessed, but nothing compares, to this."

Do you have that joy? I do hope so. May God bless you.

Enjoy this song.

... and ignore the larger than life shepherd standing next to me. To my right on the stage was manger scene. hehe!

WW On hold...!

Well, I hit my 70 pound marker with no room to spare. That's for sure. My 8 week challenge is going to have to stop there. The next three weeks the challenge will just have to be to not gain the 4.6 back! HA.

Okay so I was real hesitant sharing this yesterday and didn't... because I didn't want to get my hopes up too high just yet... but, WE'RE PREGNANT AGAIN! I took a test Sunday morning and it was a faint yes.... I called in the doc and they saw me yesterday morning. I needed to have a blood count drawn. I waited today to see what my beta count was going to be. Then (as the instructions were as of yesterday) either at the end of the week or towards the beginning of next week I'll redo the count to make sure the numbers are doubling-- if they are there to stick. Pending on where the numbers were, my NP (nurse practitioner) said we'd do an ultrasound as soon as she thinks the numbers are high enough to see anything. So it has to be at least 2,000-4,000 before they consider it "high enough" to see anything...

One thing about it is there is no way to know how far along I'd be ... 2 weeks or 6... ha. because I still haven't had a cycle since the m/c, I only tested Sunday just to "see" but I was totally expecting a 'no' and was really shocked with the yes line. It was so faint though. And since the last one was also so faint, I just didn't have it in me be super excited yet. ...

SO!...

Just before 1:00 this afternoon, the NP called me and said that my numbers were good and we'd go ahead and schedule an ultrasound, that we probably didn't need to do a recount.
I asked her "what was 'good?' Could I please know, what was the number?"
And she said. "It's a lot higher than I would have thought... it's over 27,000."
I said "what?! not 2700? 27,000???"
She said, "Yes, 27,055 to be exact"
Me: "27,055? Really?!" *starting to laugh and tear up all at the same time*
Her: "Yup. So that's really good. I wanna get you in for an ultra sound soon so we can try to figure out how far along you are..."

OH MY GOODNESS!

She also told me my progesterone which is 29.5 and she said that was really good. I still don't exactly know what that does or means, but someone told me today that it helps "keep" you pregnant. I could just do cartwheels... I'm so excited.

So, while I don't want to get my hopes up tooooo high. You can probably tell, they are already pretty stinkin' in the ceiling! My ultrasound is scheduled for Monday morning, we couldn't make it workout before the weekend. So it will be a LONG several days until then. But I am so unbelievably on cloud 9 right now.

This is the song that's been in my head all day:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know, He holds the future, and life is worth the living, just because He lives!

My mindset has always always been this:

You can't pray if you don't know to do so.
So, I'll ask please for your prayers. It's been two months to the date of our miscarriage. God's timing is amazing. His perfect timing I'll never know reasons for, but will always be amazed of. Please pray this baby grows and sticks and stays. Please pray this baby is healthy and strong. Please pray for my emotional state to handle any and all changes. Please pray for Monday's ultrasound that we will see a strong steady heartbeat. Thank you so much.

Phil 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!

my current theme song

Okay, one more and then I'm turning in.

A friend of mine just sent me an email saying that she was thinking of me because of a song she heard in the car. I'd heard this song before lots of times but really never listened to all the words. There is one line that has sunk home with me. It is the truth for my life right now... "and though my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm" It's so moving, so true and very fitting. I think this can apply to everyone, no matter what the storm is you are going through, you can still praise Him in it.

Casting Crowns: Praise you in this storm.

I was sure by now God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
that it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear your whisper through the rain,
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
that you are who you are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find you
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
I'm with you
and as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Psalms 121:1&2 "I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."


and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm