breathing treatment update

I'm amazed. I really am. Matthew has done marvelously each time so far now. We did another one this morning and another after lunch, before nap time and he just takes it like a pro. He gets a little annoyed with the mask part ON him before it's time to be done, but we just take off and he'll hold it there in front of his face. I keep telling him to take "another big one" and he'll breathe really big. I'm so proud of him. I was seriously prepared for a battling disaster yesterday and God is so good and has given Matthew complete calmness about this. Thank you to all who are praying. I can already tell a difference in his wheezing and cough!

breathing treatment

A different kind of update:

So after Matthew coughing from Saturday on, and last night being awful with a wake up at 4:30 and him crying for near 20 minutes while coughing, I took him into the doctor today. We come home with a machine to do breathing treatments. He has to have 3 treatments every day for the next couple days. Oh my stars. In addition, he also has an antibiotic and a cough syrup to be taken daily....

We completed the first breathing treatment just a bit ago and oh my! He did SUCH a good job. We talked about the mask and how he was like a solider and he put on that mask and breathed in and out and was so dang good about it. I wanted to cry because he did so much better than the horror I'd concocted in my head as to how it was going to go. Jamie sat on one side of him and I on the other, on the couch and he just sat there. He got a little annoyed with it before it was finished, but I think it was a great first try!

My baby boy is so big.

Anyhow, please pray that he'll be well before our baby Manna comes. He has to be on the breathing treatments for at least three days and he has 10 days of meds to complete. Thank you for your prayers.

quick update

WOOOOOOOT!!!

So this will be clearly much more positive than last week's update. I had a check up this morning and here are the basics for you: I was "soft" (not sure exactly what that means, but MW was pleased), and a ONE!!!! and she felt the head!!! (oh my!) and I've dropped and now measuring 40 weeks, not 43! And this is all GOOOOOOD NEWS! I'm so pleased. I'm going back on Friday to see if there is any more progress. If she can, she's going to see if she can stir up labor to happen naturally. If it works, we're looking at potential labor this weekend. If it doesn't, I'll go back next week and see where we are! COME ON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures

A sweet friend took some pictures of us 2 weeks ago (at 36 weeks). I'm so pleased with how they came out. She did such an amazing job. I just got the CD from her today with more than 130 pictures on it. (If you'd like to view more than just these, please let me know via email). It's going to be hard to decide what I want to print, but I wanted to share a few on here. Thank you, Meg.

quote.

A friend sent me some words of wisdom this morning. I'm going to just copy and paste a portion of her email ...

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It is in God's hands and he will "deliver" you through all of this. I read a quote this morning that may help..."When you relinquish the desire to control your future; you obtain happiness".

~*~*~

I will say that after nachos and muffins and even more tears last night, I think I cried all my woes away. I'm still somewhat down this morning, but LIFE goes on. And GOD IS IN CONTROL.

Thank you all dear friends.

appt update (the emotional version)

So I know people are awaiting the update from today's appt and frankly I just don't want to discuss it (though I'm about to)... *pout* I'm really fragile right now and don't want any "oh it will be alright" "everything will work out" comments. I know that. I know the point of having a baby is to HAVE a baby-- regardless of how it gets had, but... as mentioned I just feel fragile. I feel very defeated and I've been on and off crying since about 2:30. If someone could please shut the faucet off, I'd gladly stop the waterworks.

Good news: 1. the baby is fine. There doesn't seem to be anything that is concerning my MW about the kidney functions right now, which was our biggest concern with the previous ultrasound results. They still MAY get tested AFTER delivery, but for now, all in the clear. 2. My fluid levels are lower than where they were the previous u/s and are well within the normal range now. 3. I saw my MW today and not someone else! (last week I saw a fill in--bah).

Eh news: The baby is currently measuring at 8 pounds 9 ounces according to the u/s tech's measurements. NOW-- I do know that they can't be completly accurate. It's possible that this number could be plus or minus up to TWO pounds... so we're looking at a baby anywhere from 7-11 pounds right now, give or take. OR it could be right on at 8.9 ...

Bad news: They wont let me try to push out anything over 10 pounds... So, if I'm measuring 8.9 today, by Monday that could be 9, by Friday next week that could be 9.5, by Monday the following week that could be 10, by Christmas.... you get the point. BUT they also wont induce me if I'm not doing SOMETHING in the dialation department. For the past three appts now, it's only been a finger tip. If I can't get to a one, she can't break my water for me, and thus, I can't induce...

There's no reason to say I will or wont go into labor on my own, expect with Matthew he was induced 4 days before his due date, and I didn't go into labor... and he didn't react well to the induction. The risks are starting to outweigh the other, and I'm just wounded. I really want to prove (to myself) I can do this. That I can birth a child. That my body was designed and made perfectly -- but that's a really horrible thing to say. My mom had both my sister and me by c-section. Do I think any less of her body? no. Any less of her ability to still be a perfectly made woman? no. ...So why would I think such of myself??? I HAVE NO IDEA--- but it's tearing me up.

I just want the chance to try.

I just want the ability to say I tried.

I don't want another section. I don't want to be cut open. I don't want to be recovering for 6-8 weeks after a section-- WITH a toddler at home. I don't want to go through all the above without my family here. I don't want... *groan*

I'm such a whiner! UGH! I hate myself for feeling like this, I really do. But I just can't stop it.

As I sit here and new tears are starting to fall, Jamie just said to me "please stop making yourself cry." My poor husband. I love him so much. I truly don't know how he deals with me. And I'm so blessed by him. by his love. by his support-- the strong silent type, but still support it is. I'm so blessed by his devotion and his tenderness. I love him for keeping me focused on the prize, not on the journey.

I also love my Nic. Thankyou, friend for being the voice of sanity (and not reason) when I needed you today.

I know God is in control. I know that the ultimate goal is a HEALTHY baby. The means is not as important as the ends in this case. But my heart and my brain aren't on the same channel today.

So.
All that said to say... Nothing is happening still. Yes, I'm still pregnant. No, I'm not carrying twins... .YES I AM SURE (Ugh, if one more person asks me that, I may just start bawling in front of them) Yes, the baby is big. No I don't know when we're going go have it. NO I STILL HAVEN'T HAD IT. (no, I still don't know what it is!) ...

My next appt is Monday morning. PRAYING for ANY kind of progression.

photo update

Well folks, this is what 43 weeks looks like, though I'm sure I'm only 36... (and yes, that's one of Jamie's Tech shirts, very comfy)

43 weeks... and counting

Last week recap I was 35 weeks and 3 days and measuring at 40 weeks...

So today I'm 36 weeks and 4 days... and I'm measuring 43 weeks. WHAT?! ... geeeez, How can I possibly get any further out there in the front? In other measuring news, I actually LOST a pound this week, so explain that. HAHA!

We scheduled an u/s for next week on Wed. We'll investigate at that point if it's still fluid levels that are high and taking up so much room or if we're looking at a big baby in there. We'll also decide what steps to take from that point forward as my belly continues to expand and the due date draws nearer.

I feel like crud today, but I will have Jamie take an update picture tomorrow so you can see what the measuring 43 weeks out belly looks like (someone hold me). I can't even roll over in bed anymore. Jamie has to help push or pull me from one side to the other. It's awful. I can't seem to get the leverage to hoist the belly from side to side.

In hand news-- I'm back to wearing my right brace now. I dropped my pen trying to write my Christmas cards last night, dropped my spoon at breakfast this morning so it's back to the braces we go. : ( I made it so far, I can't really complain. At least this time it will be for 3 weeks or so, not 3 months!

We'll see what next week holds...

Rings (take two)

Well I'm glad to have made it this far, but my rings are now off again. I'm so very pleased that they were still on for my belly pictures on Sunday. However yesterday morning, I woke up with my right hand tingling and had to pry off my mom's ring from that hand. This morning about 4:30 I woke up with my left hand in pain, so I pulled off my wedding rings and moved them from my ring finger to my pinky. I'm guessing I'll be wearing them on a necklace by the end of the day. 36 weeks to still have my rings on is a good run I guess. I'm kind of sad I couldn't get to the end, but I'm so pleased at not having them off as long as they were off with Matthew.

December!!!

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Oh my, it's December!!! Only 27 more days until the due date! ACK!

I go back for another appt Thursday and we'll see what my MW says.


But hopefully I'm having a baby THIS MONTH!

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